I need to ask - do you know the Lord as your personal Savior? If you do, you should also know that God desires us to date/marry those with whom we are equally yoked. Those that are spiritually where we are not only in what we believe but in how we live our lives. Now I know you say your boyfriend says he is a believer, but you are also aware that his actions are not matching his “belief.” Remember, even the devil believes. Actions will follow your faith…faith follows trust in Christ. To me, your boyfriend does not sound saved. God's word Luke 6:44 that we will know others by their fruits. A man who loves God would not try to get you into bed. He would not be doing drugs and he would certainly want to keep a job. He would want to lead you towards Christ, helping you in your walk.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Ok, so maybe your boyfriend is a new Christian and you are extending grace. If so, extend it as a friend, helping him to grow in Christ first before becoming his girlfriend. Now I realize you can't go backwards in your relationship, but you can stop where things are and tell him how you feel. That you do not want to have sex anymore. That you want him to get help with his drug problem. That you want to both go to church and get in a Bible study, etc. As you choose to follow Christ consistently yourself, you will become more and more like Christ. These changes will cause your boyfriend to either draw closer to Christ, or pull away. It's up to you on how long you wait to see any changes.

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land (2 Chronicles 7:14).

HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.

SHE is … Kris Swiatocho, the President and Director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries. Kris has served in ministry in various capacities for the last 25 years. An accomplished trainer and mentor, Kris has a heart to reach and grow leaders so they will in turn reach and grow others. She is the author of three books: Singles and Relationships: A 31-Day Experiment (co-authored with Dick Purnell of Single Life Resources); From the Manger to the Cross: The Women in Jesus' Life; and the most recent, Jesus, Single Like Me with Study Questions (includes a leader's guide and conference/retreat of the same name).

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately.

GOT A QUESTION? If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to hesaid-shesaid@crosswalk.com (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the He Said-She Said archives.

Publication date: May 23, 2013