Recognizing the Man of Your Dreams
- Friday, April 15, 2005
Then Boaz said to Ruth, "You will listen, my daughter, will you not? Do not go to glean in another field, nor go from here, but stay close by my young women. Let your eyes be on the field which they reap, and go after them. Have I not commanded the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink from what the young men have drawn."
Ruth 2:8-9 NKJV
Every woman dreams of her knight in shining armor coming to carry her away on a white horse. As little girls, we are groomed to expect it – to sleep sweetly and be awakened by a gallant prince who will rescue us from all that threatens. Eventually, we grow up and learn these aspirations are the leftover remnants of fairy tales. Instead, we decide to settle for someone like Richard Gere in the movie "Pretty Woman." It seemed like a reasonable enough dream that some wealthy business tycoon would find us breathlessly beautiful, fall in love, shower us in diamonds and beautiful clothing and the most romantic of experiences. But alas, this, too, is fiction – delicious fiction, but fiction nonetheless.
The reality is most men are just good, honest, hardworking folks who live on a budget. The rich live in a world set apart among their own kind, where they can share and exchange their wealth without losing anything. Or, they are so busy making money, they have no time to enjoy life's pleasures.
Consider what you truly want when it comes to a mate. If you want a friend and companion who will have the time to spend with you, then it is time to kill the fantasy and consider a good man who has a harvest to which you can add.
Who is your Boaz? What does he look like? Well, do not let this scare you, but he usually does not look the way you expected him to look. No matter what he looks like on the outside, his heart will look better than you ever dreamed it would. Will God make you fall in love with an ugly person? No, He will not. He cannot and will not make anyone fall in love with someone. This would be usurping your free will. However, He can help you change your priorities. In the end, someone might look a lot different to you through the eyes of love. And good things do come in the most interesting packages. …
What appeals to you about a man's outward appearance is subject to change, but here are some inward characteristics that should always be present. These inner traits separate the men from the boys. Some of us definitely have a problem. It is called a broken chooser. We get giddy over a man's smooth rap and miss the fact that the guy does not keep his promises. He is so fine, but his attitude is downright ugly. He knows how to work women, but he does not like them very much. He is not as mindful of a woman's heart as he should be. (Hmm, am I crunching any toes yet?) He loves himself so much that there is no room in his heart for you. He is into the conquest, but not the commitment. These types of men are not for you.
What type of man is? Let me begin by saying that, from Hollywood stars to major players to the everyday man, one thing is resoundingly the same: When they meet you, they know they want to be with you right away. Every man I have ever interviewed said he knew when he met his wife.
He waited to make sure, and then clinched the deal. This means that a woman must be discerning and look for the signs right away so she does not waste her time or her heart on someone who does not have good intentions toward her.
The Heart of a Man
Check for the Boaz signs. In my book "Secrets of an Irresistible Woman," I share the three F's you need to gather while dating: fit, fabric, and finance. You also need to look for the four P's: position, pursuit, provision, and protection. Let's break these down one by one. What is this man's position? What is his standing in life and with people around him? Is he making a living? Is he harvesting a good return from the gifts he has sown? Does he even know what his gifts are? A man who has not cultivated this area of his life is restless and finds it hard to settle down because he is still searching for the main part of his identity. He knows he is not ready to offer anything stable or to shoulder the responsibility of another person. Until then, he usually drifts in his relationships with women, staying in one relationship long enough to enjoy the benefits of it, but moving on when he feels the pressures to commit himself on a deeper level.
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