Recognizing the Man of Your Dreams
- Friday, April 15, 2005
Then Boaz said to Ruth, "You will listen, my daughter, will you not? Do not go to glean in another field, nor go from here, but stay close by my young women. Let your eyes be on the field which they reap, and go after them. Have I not commanded the young men not to touch you? And when you are thirsty, go to the vessels and drink from what the young men have drawn."
Ruth 2:8-9 NKJV
Every woman dreams of her knight in shining armor coming to carry her away on a white horse. As little girls, we are groomed to expect it – to sleep sweetly and be awakened by a gallant prince who will rescue us from all that threatens. Eventually, we grow up and learn these aspirations are the leftover remnants of fairy tales. Instead, we decide to settle for someone like Richard Gere in the movie "Pretty Woman." It seemed like a reasonable enough dream that some wealthy business tycoon would find us breathlessly beautiful, fall in love, shower us in diamonds and beautiful clothing and the most romantic of experiences. But alas, this, too, is fiction – delicious fiction, but fiction nonetheless.
The reality is most men are just good, honest, hardworking folks who live on a budget. The rich live in a world set apart among their own kind, where they can share and exchange their wealth without losing anything. Or, they are so busy making money, they have no time to enjoy life's pleasures.
Consider what you truly want when it comes to a mate. If you want a friend and companion who will have the time to spend with you, then it is time to kill the fantasy and consider a good man who has a harvest to which you can add.
Who is your Boaz? What does he look like? Well, do not let this scare you, but he usually does not look the way you expected him to look. No matter what he looks like on the outside, his heart will look better than you ever dreamed it would. Will God make you fall in love with an ugly person? No, He will not. He cannot and will not make anyone fall in love with someone. This would be usurping your free will. However, He can help you change your priorities. In the end, someone might look a lot different to you through the eyes of love. And good things do come in the most interesting packages. …
What appeals to you about a man's outward appearance is subject to change, but here are some inward characteristics that should always be present. These inner traits separate the men from the boys. Some of us definitely have a problem. It is called a broken chooser. We get giddy over a man's smooth rap and miss the fact that the guy does not keep his promises. He is so fine, but his attitude is downright ugly. He knows how to work women, but he does not like them very much. He is not as mindful of a woman's heart as he should be. (Hmm, am I crunching any toes yet?) He loves himself so much that there is no room in his heart for you. He is into the conquest, but not the commitment. These types of men are not for you.
What type of man is? Let me begin by saying that, from Hollywood stars to major players to the everyday man, one thing is resoundingly the same: When they meet you, they know they want to be with you right away. Every man I have ever interviewed said he knew when he met his wife.
He waited to make sure, and then clinched the deal. This means that a woman must be discerning and look for the signs right away so she does not waste her time or her heart on someone who does not have good intentions toward her.
The Heart of a Man
Check for the Boaz signs. In my book "Secrets of an Irresistible Woman," I share the three F's you need to gather while dating: fit, fabric, and finance. You also need to look for the four P's: position, pursuit, provision, and protection. Let's break these down one by one. What is this man's position? What is his standing in life and with people around him? Is he making a living? Is he harvesting a good return from the gifts he has sown? Does he even know what his gifts are? A man who has not cultivated this area of his life is restless and finds it hard to settle down because he is still searching for the main part of his identity. He knows he is not ready to offer anything stable or to shoulder the responsibility of another person. Until then, he usually drifts in his relationships with women, staying in one relationship long enough to enjoy the benefits of it, but moving on when he feels the pressures to commit himself on a deeper level.
How do other people view him? Boaz was well-respected and loved by not only his family, but also by his employees and those in high standing in the community. Does the man in your life have long-standing, committed relationships with his friends and associates? What about his friends? Do you like them? Know that he acts just like his friends when his is not around you. What do his coworkers or employees say about him? Do they speak highly of him and commend his character and integrity? Or do they make jokes about his shortcomings? This is a big giveaway. Is his family life filled with drama and misunderstanding, or does he walk in harmony with his siblings and parents, especially his mother? A man who loves his mother is an excellent prospect for a husband. Some of these things will take time to find out, but keep them in mind.
Now, on to the pursuit. After inquiring about Ruth, Boaz then approached her. She did not approach him. I know popular-day date-ology says men like women who have the confidence to approach them. Why? Because men have a greater fear of rejection than we do. However, they are also programmed to pursue, so this can be a delicate matter. The truth, after a bit of prying, is that they like to make the advance but would also appreciate a sign from the woman that the coast is clear to do so.
Positive signs you could send a man would be in the form of your body language. A pleasant smile and eye contact is plenty – just enough to let him know you noticed him, too, and are interested. Then, let him do his thing. Do not be so uptight when he approaches. Relax and enjoy the conversation. Remember, you are a fabulous jewel. Believe it and sparkle. Be interested in him and do not bowl him over with too much information about yourself. Listen, be observant, check him out. That first conversation will tell you a lot about him. Is he short on words, but sweet? Then he probably is shy and has good intentions. Is he a little too sure of himself and has all the right lines? Watch this one a little closer and make no emotional investment. After exchanging numbers, how long does it take him to call? If it takes weeks, he has unfinished business elsewhere. Listen to his excuse and see if it rings true to you, but be careful. The average man who is really interested will call within two to three days to see if he can arrange a time for you to get together.
I wouldn't call this a date yet, because nothing has been carved in stone. There have been no promises – nothing is guaranteed. This is what they call in the modeling world a "go-see." You are going out to see if you like one another, that is all. You have way too much data to collect before you even decide if you like him. What you see is not necessarily what you get, so leave your heart at home. Now is not the time to give it away.
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Taken from "Ending the Search for Mr. Right" by Michelle McKinney Hammond; Copyright 2005 by Michelle McKinney Hammond; Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR; Used by Permission.
Michelle McKinney Hammond, a writer, singer, and speaker who focuses on improving love–driven relationships, is the founder and president of HeartWing Ministries as well as the co-host of the Emmy nominated show "Aspiring Women." Michelle is the author of "The DIVA Principle™", "101 Ways to Get and Keep His Attention"," Sassy, Single, & Satisfied", "Secrets of an Irresistible Woman", "What to Do Until Love Finds You", "Get a Love Life", and "The Power of Being a Woman."
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