The Marital Readiness Questionnaire
- Friday, June 20, 2003
The following questions will help you assess your readiness for marriage. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself while answering these questions.
1. Do you know and like who you are?
2. Would you say you generally have a healthy sense of self esteem and self confidence?
3. Do you feel comfortable talking about differences in times of conflict rather than ignoring them?
4. Are you 20 years of age or older?
5. Are you 24 years of age or older?
6. Would people you respect say you are personally mature?
7. Would you say you have a good relationship with your mother and father?
8. Do you feel comfortable thinking for yourself and making your own decisions?
9. Are you able to make decisions without feeling compelled to please your parents?
10. Are you genuinely prepared to make your marriage relationship a higher priority than your relationship with your parents?
11. Have you resolved painful or troubling issues with your parents that may impact your marriage?
12. Have you identified specific quirks or qualities you may be bringing into your marriage as a result of growing up in your family of origin?
13. Have you dated your partner for a year or more?
14. Have you dated your partner for two years or more?
15. Are you willing to take your time in determining whether your relationship is ready for marriage?
16. Would you characterize your relationship as stable and steadfast?
17. Do you both practice effective compromise and negotiation in your relationship?
18. Can you both resolve conflict between you without losing control?
19. Are you 100 percent committed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to making this relationship work?
20. Do you agree with all your parents' important goals and values?
21. Do you and your partner share many similarities (e.g., sense of humor, habits, goals)?
22. Are your differences tiny compared to your similarities?
23. Do you and your partner have similar family backgrounds?
24. Do you rarely feel criticized or corrected by your partner?
25. Do you like this person as he/she is at this moment, without expecting him/her to change?
Scoring: Add up the number of yes responses from these items and multiply by four. That will give you a possible score of 100.
If you answered honestly and your score is 90 or higher, you are probably ready for marriage.
A score of 80 to 89 indicates that you are on your way, but you would probably be wise to give it more time and careful consideration.
A score of 79 or lower indicates that you still have a great deal of work to do either personally or relationally before you are ready for marriage. You are likely to benefit from the help of a good counselor and more time. Whether your score is high or low, this brief assessment should serve simply as a guideline, not as your final answer.
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