Waiting for True Compatibility
- Friday, June 20, 2003
Waiting is an acceptable part of life. We wait in line at the bank and the movies because we have no choice. We research and take our time when making major purchases like a car or home because these are large investments that will have a major impact on our lives. We set personal goals and patiently take the small steps necessary to eventually claim victory.
And someday we will wait for our children to be born. We will use that time to explore and learn about parenthood and the ways we can make life better for the child that is coming.
While we are prepared to wait for many of life's greatest gifts, few of us want to wait for the right romantic partner. We have dated and dated and dated. We have played games. We have been close and missed the mark. We want true love and we want it now, and for some of us the "now" is more important than the "love." We end up settling. We sacrifice the long-term, successful, loving relationship for the one we can get to first.
It is easy, intellectually, to see that this is a recipe for frustration. Yet many of us continually short-circuit our happiness by choosing the quick fix. Why is that? To many of us being single is a sign of personal failure. We feel judged by our friends and family. Dating becomes less about finding a brilliant partner than about finding a person to show off, proving our worth. We attach ourselves to the first person who shows some interest.
Meanwhile, every step we take towards a person who is lukewarm and "adequate" takes us farther away from a romantic partner who is exciting, enriching and perfectly suited for us. Our need for an immediate relationship has cost us the brilliant love we truly deserve.
Of course there are other reasons we hurry through our relationship decisions. We may be lonely, and spending time with a romantic partner will ease that loneliness. We may have established a set of personal goals and time lines that make us feel "behind" in our romantic lives. Both are valid and normal responses to being single. These feelings can creep in on the most upbeat individuals, causing anxiety and a loss of perspective.
The Good News
The good news is that you can acknowledge these feelings and refuse to give in to them. You can admit that you feel pressure to start a family and still affirm your commitment to waiting for the perfect person. You can endure subtle hints from friends and family while assuring yourself that the smartest move you can make is waiting for a truly compatible partner. You can actively search for that person and begin preparing yourself for the day that your brilliant relationship begins.
eharmony has asked many of you to wait. We've asked you to put the same planning and forethought into mate selection that you would put into buying a house or car. We've asked you to pass on the next person and wait for the right person, and we know it can be hard to wait.
But you came to us looking for something special, and we intend to deliver just that. This may take a day, a week, or longer, but we won't stop searching and scrutinizing until we've found a person who will help you build the life you've always wanted. We mean it, and it's worth repeating: We will not stop searching until we've found someone with whom you can build a great long-term relationship.
Our job is to bring you compatible, qualified singles. Your job is to have a little faith in us, in this process, and in yourself. Down the road, as you look back on your life, you will know that real love and happiness was well worth the wait.
The eHarmony Research Library is a branch of eHarmony.com(tm), North America's most successful Relationship Building Service. Our precise technology searches a database of 500,000 persons to find truly compatible matches. Then, eHarmony's guided communication system helps you meet and get to know each other in an appropriate, in-depth manner. Click HERE to learn more about eHarmony.
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