Here are a few helpful guidelines when it comes to achieving a balance between confronting while supporting the individual at the same time recommended by Mike and Sue Dowgiwicz from their publication Growing Relationships through Confrontation*

Support

Support is done for the other person.

What to Support

• The other person’s anxiety, fear and doubt.
• The right for them to feel differently about the issue.
• The reality of their perceptions.

How to Support

• Accept what the other person tells you.
• Listen to them.
• Mirror back what the other person says so they know you are listening.
• Verbalize the other person’s feelings.

Confront

Confronting is done for yourself and the good of the relationship.

What to Confront

• Problems that are not being solved.
• Differences that hamper the relationship.
• Actions that are inappropriate/damaging.

How to Confront

• Acknowledge the other person’s position.
• State the differences clearly and succinctly.
• Check to see if you are understood.
• Be responsible for your feelings.
• Ask for their position on the issue.

God calls each of us to be peacemakers. However, there are times in which conflict will arise. Using these principles will help you avoid unnecessary conflict.