Eleven years later my grandfather, the true patriarch of the family, lost a long battle with cancer. I was so thankful that at such a difficult emotional time, we wouldn't have to be worrying about trivial estate issues since we had already taken care of all of those details with the trusts. In fact, I was feeling a little bit proud that everything was working just as smoothly as we had designed it when we set up the trusts.

A week after the funeral, my grandmother and her four children decided to read the will together - a long, boring process of reading several trust documents full of incomprehensible legal jargon. (Real life is never quite like the movies, is it, where the benefactor leaves an eloquently stated account of his true feelings and all his worldly possessions to his loved ones?) As they all stared at each other with blank stares at the end of the reading, someone finally asked, "So, did Daddy leave us anything?" To which my grandmother replied, "Well, I don't think he did."

After eleven years, my grandmother had forgotten what we had set up with the trusts and why it was done that way. Further, no one else in the room knew how to really interpret the legal jargon in the documents. Confusion and misunderstanding reigned, with some hurt feelings for being "left out of the will." They quickly contacted me to see if I could explain the documents and I immediately called a family conference - something I should have done eleven years ago. Fortunately, matters were quickly explained and understood, but I so regretted the fact that any of my family had to deal with this confusion during an already emotionally difficult time. Much of this could have been easily avoided with simple, honest communication at the right time.

What does this story have to do with you and your family? Whether you are in need of complicated wills and trusts or a simple will to dictate your last wishes, remember the most important step of all - open conversations with loved ones. No legal document can replace the power of your own words for conveying what is most important to you. A meaningful family conference before your death could be greater than any gift you could leave behind.

Suggested Tips for a Successful Family Conference:

• The actual process will be different depending on your situation and could range from simply, "Here is where our simple wills are..." to one or two days of meetings depending on the size of the estate.

• Have everyone present who may be involved with your final wishes - especially all the heirs and potential heirs.

• Pick a convenient, relaxed location for everyone with time allotted for quality family interaction.

• Have an objective moderator who is knowledgeable of your situation and the current tax laws - possibly the family attorney or financial advisor.

• Decide beforehand if you will be sharing both how your estate works AND the value of your gross estate and subsequent distributions. Sometimes being too specific can have negative effects on the heirs.

• Clearly explain the way your estate plan is designed as well as the reasons for setting things up the way you have. Diagrams are helpful.

• Make it a fun, yet informational, time together where everyone feels free to ask questions. The family conference gives your heirs a chance to hear from you - your heart, your wishes. It also gives them the permission and opportunity to ask questions.

• Don't be afraid to be honest!

This article provides information of a general nature. None of the information contained herein is intended as legal advice or specific estate planning advice.


The National Planning Group of Ronald Blue & Co. is a unique division within RB&Co. that serves the everyday steward - For more information you can visit their website:  www.everydaysteward.com.