Generally, if a man tries to combine running and organizing a household while working, it doesn’t go well. My wife had gall bladder surgery a few months ago, and I became father and mother to our three daughters (all five-years-old and under). Let’s just say I made it, but barely. According to studies, a man’s brain is less capable of multi-tasking; his left and right sides of his brain literally do not connect as well as a woman’s brain. Combine this with the fragility of grieving children and you can see why John made the choice he did.

Of course John wanted to provide for his kids financially, but he realized that his children needed a spiritual and emotional provider more than anything else. Unfortunately, John learned too late that financial security can be bought ahead of time, but emotional and spiritual security can't.

How? How, could John and his wife have prepared better for their family’s financial security in the event of Jan’s death? In my work as a financial planner, I used to recommend that couples carry a minimal amount of insurance on the non-working spouse -- just enough to cover the cost of funeral expenses, daycare/nanny, cleaning service, etc. You see, in the past I viewed life insurance simply as an income replacement tool for a wage earner. In my flawed thinking, a woman like John’s wife didn’t have an income so her death shouldn’t affect their financial quality of life.

Like many others, John and his wife Jan also bought into that flawed line of thinking. As the primary wage-earner, John had plenty of insurance on his own life. In the event of his death, his wife could have continued the full-time care of his children while still having financial stability. Yes, the loss of their father would have hurt deeply – and would have undoubtedly left a void of its own kind -- but their day-to-day lives and overall financial stability would have remained consistent and stable, providing a sense of security in an insecure and tragic time.

It was only after his wife’s unexpected death, when John was forced to choose between financial and emotional security for his children, that one could see clearly the intangible ways that her loss impacted the family’s quality of life. Because they failed to prepared, John ended up spending most of his savings when he gave up his income. It took him three years following Jan’s death before he felt comfortable enough to go back into business. And those three years of living expenses wreaked havoc on his finances.

Actually, in some ways John can be considered blessed. Most people I know do not have enough money saved to last three trying years with no income. Still, he wasn’t as financially prepared as he could have been. When I met John a few months ago, it had been four years since he lost his wife. His children have adjusted quite well thanks to his wise parenting choices, but the financial impact has been quite devastating.

Now, when I advise couples where one of them is considered a "non-working spouse," I think of John and his children and the difficult decision he had to make. I encourage them to make sure that not only will their family be financially secure in the event of either spouse’s death, but that they will be emotionally and spiritually secure as well.

In all three cases I’ve come across recently, the fathers quit their jobs for at least two years in order to help their children get acclimated. Therefore, I am now recommending that couples base their life insurance decision on the potential loss of income of the working spouse in the event the non-working spouse dies. And with insurance rates at all time lows, almost everyone can afford the coverage.


Steve Scalici is a Certified Financial Planner^TM with Treasure Coast Financial. He is co-host of God’s Money, which can be heard on the internet at  www.oneplace.com. You can contact Steve at  steve@tcfin.com