This is purported to be an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas .... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: (withheld)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I, was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE? On the job no, on my breaks no.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas . . Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes; Absolutely.
