A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Proverbs 17:21

Learning-different children have a unique perspective on the world. Most of them see the world as a beautiful and good place, but when they try to interact with it there seems to be an invisible barrier that won’t let them pass. Their perceptions of others and the fairness of things is a little bit clouded. Their struggle with poor auditory processing can create a world that sounds muffled and hard to fully understand. We parents, often times, try to pull our children along through that invisible barrier and expect them to function well in all situations. But when it comes to your child’s future, pulling her along can lead to frustration and disappointment. This is the time to stand next to her and look through that invisible barrier. See what she sees and how she sees it. Understanding how she perceives her world will give you insight for how to guide her toward a healthy and prosperous future.

As the elementary and middle school years come to a close, many parents feel that the worst is behind them; they are now experts on dealing with learning differences. They have safely crossed the Sea of Denial with their family intact. But the truth is, these early years have been preparation for the greatest challenge: high school and beyond. The good news is that if parents place themselves in God’s hands, continuing to trust the One who brought them this far, He will continue to guide them through whatever lies ahead.

I like to recommend the following formula: Be a parent to your child from ages 0–10; guide them through life from ages 10–20; be their friend from age 20 until death. Your child will welcome your friendship and wise input in their adult years as you guide them through their adolescence. This process starts by setting them up to win in high school.

The majority of learning-different children make it through high school because their parents stay on top of the issues related to learning differences. Others have a more difficult time. To help your child through his struggles, start by listening to him. What are his dreams and goals? Though some of these may seem out of reach, treat all goals the same: with respect, joy and excitement. Your teen will pick up on your belief in him and believe that he might just make something of himself. Many learning-different kids have the ability to visualize the big picture. This is a strength. Their difficulty is trying to implement it. Because that is the case, the next step is to show your teen how to begin to make his dreams a reality.

Goals are the foundation of most everything we accomplish as human beings. They give us a direction and set us on a course to fulfill our potential. Without them, we wander aimlessly through life, wondering why our lives never amounted to anything. God wants great things for us. He provides opportunities for us to succeed, but all too often we don’t believe that we have what it takes to make our dreams come true. Too many times, we ignore God’s opportunities and settle for the status quo. As Christian parents, we must instill in our children an unshakeable belief that God doesn’t make mistakes, and that He expects us to live up to our potential.

Start by asking your teen what she thinks she might like to do for a living. Make a list with her of all of her choices. Often young adults say, “I don’t know.” Don’t worry; keep sharing with her the strengths you see in her. Challenge her to dream big as she imagines her future, and her reluctance (which is likely rooted in fear) will eventually melt away.

Now that you have the big picture, work backward to figure out the steps your teen needs to take to reach her big-picture goal. Create one-week goals, one-month goals, and six-month goals. These goals should be doable. Do not make them so difficult that they are impossible to achieve.

As I mentioned, my learning-different daughter Jackie has a real talent in music. She can sing like nobody’s business and she can write song lyrics in her sleep. (She had published poetry by the time she finished her eighth-grade year.) Jackie told us that she really wanted to do music for her life’s work. At the same time, Chris, our older son, was attending a local Catholic high school and was very active in the school band. He told us that he wanted to be the head of worldwide marketing for a major computer company.

Instead of blowing them off as if their dreams were ridiculous, we decided to take their dreams seriously. To do so, we worked backward from their big-picture goals. We looked at each individual dream and asked what we had to do today to make sure Chris and Jackie reached their goals tomorrow. We laid out the steps that had to be taken in order for them to get there. Ultimately, Chris and Jackie had to make the final choice: Would they take the steps necessary to make their dreams come true? Giving them the power to decide empowered them to take ownership of their lives and their futures.

Jackie had the good fortune to record her own album and to use her music for God in many venues. As she experienced the fruits of her careful and determined plan, she eventually decided to change her course. She is currently finishing a college major in communications for film and TV, with a dream (and a plan) to pursue a career in television.

Chris took the steps toward his goals throughout his high school career by working for a local computer retail store. He laid the foundation of his work ethic and carries that with him to this day. He is now working in the worldwide marketing department for that prominent computer company.

For both Chris and Jackie, homeschooling was the right choice for them to get their high school education. They were best able to implement their plans and work toward their goals in that environment. My other two children are currently in high school and college, and neither of them would have done well in a homeschool situation. The right choice for realizing their dreams is an education at the Shelton School and Loyola Marymount University. Our second son, Nick, dreams of making his mark in international business. Obviously, being multilingual will be important to his success. Becoming fluent in multiple languages is difficult for most people, but for learning-different students, it poses particular challenges. Nick knows that he must succeed in this area, and he also knows how he learns best. He has begun to learn Italian by listening to lessons on his iPod. Whenever he is not working, he listens on his headphones, trying to become fluent. He is taking the steps, one by one, that lie between him and his dreams.

Our youngest, Alicia, is a junior in high school, and we are working backward with her to make her big-picture dreams of a career in journalism and design become a reality.

Each child had different dreams and motivations, and every family comes with varied and special dynamics. Because of these factors, there is no “one size fits all” approach to your child’s future. The one question that can be answered is, “Have other children with similar differences succeeded in college and beyond?” Yes! Some have chosen college, with all of its challenges, while others have chosen to go to trade school. Either way, many experience successful careers and deeply fulfilled lives. So much depends on the family’s willingness to move on and guide their child to a world of adventure and happiness.