Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address two questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David,

I am a twenty-seven year old husband from a seven year marriage. In the first year of our marriage together, my wife and I fought like cats and dogs. I was constantly going out with my friends and taking advantage of my wife, her time together, her wants and needs. I was not a very good husband.  It has taken me years of arguing and resentment to realize that I haven’t let go of her past wrongs that happened before I knew her and after we were married. Now I understand that at least for the things that have happened since we were married, I was a lot to blame, if not completely. I have a really hard time trying not to bring up her past when we argue about intimacy or respect for one another. 

Lately, I have been very emotional. I finally see how wrong I have been in loving my wife. I’m doing everything in my power to show her acts of kindness and love by helping her with our two children and giving her time to herself. But when I kiss her or try to be close to her it feels like she is forcing herself to respond lovingly and that in her heart she thinks I am doing these things to get something in return (which used to be my way of trying to get to her physically) or that I am just saying/doing the things she wants, but not really meaning it from my heart (which couldn’t be farther from the truth). 

After breaking down emotionally repeatedly over the last week or so she seems concerned that I am beating myself up and she is probably right. I have returned the feelings of love and admiration that I once had in the beginning for her (and should have had for the entirety of our marriage) and I fear my wrongs have damaged her ability to fully love me. Patience seems is the only thing I have left to rely on but my heart is breaking every moment that she doesn’t want to hug me, kiss me or even spend time with me. It almost feels that I am reaping what I have sown. That I have created the bed I lie in.

Is there anything else I can do to win her heart again? ~ Heartsick

Dear Heartsick,

Your story is touching. You have lived long enough, and matured enough, to realize the error of your ways. Most of us over thirty years old have a moment, or moments, of truth when we re-evaluate our lives and see the wrongfulness of our actions. I’m impressed that you are three years ahead of schedule—not behind and stuck with lying in the bed you’ve made.