The Scriptures are clear that we will reap what we have sown. (Galatians 6) The Apostle Paul talks a great deal about the impact our behavior has upon others, and that there will be scars in our lives. That is true for you as it is for everyone—absolutely everyone!

However, remember that reaping what you sow works in the positive direction as well. While you’re reaping the “weeds” you’ve sown previously, if you plant good seeds now, by acts of love and kindness, you’ll reap great rewards later.

The Scriptures offer even more hope. Romans 8: 28 says, “All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.” Is the Lord pleased with your actions? No. Are there wounds that need to be healed? Yes. But, with the Lord’s help, they can be healed and your marriage can not only be healed, but transformed.

Here are a few more things to ponder.

First, a heart of repentance is a powerful thing. The Psalmist says that a pure and contrite heart will be honored by the Lord. You show evidence of a Godly sorrow leading to repentance, and in time, with patience, your wife will likely discover and appreciate the new you. Continue to show her, in different ways, that you are sincerely sorry for your actions.

Second, we are not robots. You cannot expect your wife to simply respond reflexively to your changes. She has been wounded, and it will take time, action, and God’s grace for her to heal. Don’t expect an overnight change. Your patience will shout to her that you’ve changed. If you expect an immediate change, this suggests a manipulative attitude on your part.

Third, there are some things you both can do to heal together. Consider seeking couples counseling where you both talk about how you’ve been wounded, and wounded your mate. Pay close attention to allowing her to share the depths of her pain. Expect her to share intense feelings of anger, hurt and perhaps even resentment. She may need to share some of these feelings again and again, in a loving and accepting atmosphere.

Your wife has been hurt deeply, and needs to share the depth of her pain. It’s been said when we are grievously hurt, we need to share our stories one hundred times. Far fetched? Not necessarily. Might it be hard to listen to her pain again and again? Most certainly. But this is the height of love. Your challenge may be to create a “healing space” for your wife, where she is free to share her feelings with you without judgment, defensiveness or excessive explanation.

Fourth, it takes time, and new experiences, to rebuild trust. It takes lots of time to build trust, and it can be broken and damaged in an instance. Stick with it. Move at her pace, honoring her timing. Create new experiences that symbolize a new stage in your marriage. Sit down and create new dreams and goals. Believe that this is a new day.

Finally, invite God into this healing space. Bathe this aspect of your relationship in prayer. Read Scriptures together, especially those pertaining to healing and forgiveness. Share together, pray together and rebuild your relationship together.