Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address two questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Dear Dr. David,

I have been married for thirteen years. It is our second marriage and I am very disappointed with my husband. Why is it that men put a lot of energy into “conquering” the woman at the start of the relationship, and then seem to get bored and put their energies back into their work? I’ve talked to my girlfriends and they notice the same things in their marriage—their husbands are loving and attentive during dating, and then once they feel secure in the relationship, they give up trying.

I am resentful that I have to be the one to encourage outings. I have to be the one to initiate and plan special trips. I have to be the one to initiate talking about our marriage. If it were up to him he’d be content to simply let things continue on being boring. Why is it that it takes a crisis for men to “get it” that their marriage needs to be tuned up consistently? I’m tired of taking the responsibility for our relationship. Do I “let go of my end of the rope” as one counselor told me, only to have him drop his end? --Exhausted

Dear Exhausted,

Sadly, I’ve heard your story many times before. There seems to be more than a kernel of truth to the notion that men are “hunters,” tending to pursue their “catch,” and after “capturing her,” give up and pursue other endeavors. This, of course, leaves the woman feeling abandoned, neglected and living with a relationship that is dying a slow death.

We know that while men have an innate tendency to be warriors in pursuit of adventure, we are also fully capable of being warriors in pursuit of protecting and nurturing our mate. These roles are not incompatible, and in fact, complement one another. For this to happen, however, men need to “wake up.” Too many men are sleepwalking through life, unaware their marriages are dying, their emotional, physical and spiritual lives are being neglected and find out too late that they are in serious trouble.

In my book, Nine Critical Mistakes Most Couples Make, I thoroughly explore the tendency of many couples to neglect their marriage, as well as the ignored topic of mutuality in marriage. Far too many women find themselves carrying the weight of keeping their emotional marriage alive, and it’s a burden they inevitably cannot continue to carry. They’ve been told to “let go of the rope,” only to find their man letting go of his end as well.

Not only are men guilty of failing to maintain their marriage, but many couples fail to champion one another, erringly believing that the marriage will coast along fine without due attention. Nothing could be further from the truth. Every marriage is in a constant state of entropy—deterioration. Without constant attention, nurturance and encouragement, marriages will suffer and die. It is no surprise that we are witnessing so many women abandoning their marriages at alarming rates. They, like you, are tired of carrying the full weight of caring for their marriage.