You see, it is possible to keep the passion red hot — even after 25 years of marriage! So what helps fan the flame in the fast lane? To keep that spark and sizzle, couples will need to carve out a marital oasis.

Oasis of T.I.M.E.

After that evening, we gathered more than 200 red hot romantic ideas in a book filled with lots of practical helps. Ultimately, one of the most important steps a couple can take is to make T.I.M.E. for love. Here is what we see as the minimum time commitment you should have to maintain the connectedness needed for a healthy, strong marriage:

Ten to twenty minutes of talking together, alone, every day.

Investment in a weekly date night (or date breakfast or lunch) together for at least 4 hours. (It takes a couple hours to emotionally connect -- and then you might want to physically connect!) 

Make a monthly "day away" policy. At least once a month spend 8- 12 uninterrupted hours together. This can be anything you both enjoy — to maximize this, make sure you schedule a few moments of red hot monogamy sometime during this 10-12 hour block of time.

Escape quarterly (or at least bi-annually) for a 48 hour weekend. 

Start tonight; do a mini escape. Climb into bed, into each other’s arms. Ask and answer a few questions that will fan the flame of your love:

• What is your favorite place I touch you?
• What lighting sets the mood for you?
• What sounds arouse you?
• What aromas set your heart ablaze?
• What words do you love me to whisper?
• What sights make your heart dance? A view? A sunset? The majestic? Quaint and cozy? Great art? Unique and eclectic?

Oasis of Space

Many married couples lack privacy, so to gain a little alone time, you will have to create the space to experience it. Creating a space at home for a little romance will be just the thing needed to create an extra few moments together.

In our book, Red Hot Monogamy, we encourage a couple to discover their romantic personality and decorate their room to enhance intimate life. For example, we have discovered that even a messy room looks neater when lit by candles, so we buy a candle as a memento on all our trips together and when one of us is “in the mood” we simply light the candles (our version of a smoke signal!) Another clergy couple we know didn’t think they had the money for a complete room make-over, so they decided their only hope was to make use of the balcony of their tiny apartment. A small investment of $15 for a set of plastic patio chairs and a plastic table from Walmart gave them a space all to themselves for coffee each morning and sunsets some nights. Another innovative couple scanned the “PennySaver” ads each week for a Jacuzzi. Friends told them they would never find one for the few hundred dollars they saved but they prayed and trusted God. Within a month they discovered an ad placed by a couple who had to move quickly -- that couple practically gave the spa away! On your next date, ask, “What one change can we make to our room, or a space in our home, that will create a more romantic place to be together?”