Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com

Dear Dr. David,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years and love each other. We have talked about marriage many times, but haven’t gotten to the point of setting a date. Even though we nearly got married last year, we both decided to postpone the marriage because of our conflict.

While our conflict has lessened in most ways, and we are both encouraged about our relationship, there is one area where we are in severe disagreement—my jealousy over his relationship with a co-worker.

He works with a woman who makes me feel jealous. I’ve caught my boyfriend going out to dinner with her, lying about it, and then making excuses that “it’s no big deal.” He says he has only met with her concerning business. I don’t really think my boyfriend would sexually cheat on me, but I don’t trust her. I think she likes my boyfriend, and would latch onto him if she had the chance.

My feelings get hurt over and over again, and he thinks I need to work on my jealousy. He won’t make any agreements that limit his freedom, short of saying he won’t cheat on me. I’m not sure whether I have the right to be upset, or whether I’m making too big of a deal over nothing. I hope you can help me sort this out.  ~ Jealous

Dear Jealous,

First of all, let me say that it is no fun to feel jealous—rightly so, or exaggerated. To feel threatened and uncertain about your boyfriend, someone whom you love, eats away at the integrity of a relationship. Furthermore, I can see that this issue erodes not only your trust for him, but possibly even the love you feel for him.

Your jealousy, however, is a symptom of a deeper problem needing attention. There are several issues you and he need to sort out, probably in professional counseling.

It is unclear from your note whether you approach your boyfriend in a reasonable way, seeking an agreement okay to both of you. If you approach him by attacking or accusing, he is more likely to become defensive. When you sit down to talk to him, make it clear that you own your jealousy and need his assistance in the matter.

I’m concerned about your boyfriend’s secrecy and dishonesty. While this doesn’t, in and of itself, suggest wrongdoing, it certainly doesn’t look good, or help you feel more secure.