Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Coming in from work one evening a mother notices a bicycle left in the driveway.  

“Did you forget to put your bicycle away?” she asks her thirteen year old son, Jeremy, who is plopped on the couch watching television. 

“No, I don’t think so,” he answers, eyes still glued to the television.

“Well, you bike is in the driveway. Please get up and put it away.”

“I didn’t leave it there,” the boy protests. “Kenny (his brother) must have used it.”

“I didn’t use it,” Kenny shouts from across the room. “Don’t try to blame it on me.”

Becoming increasingly exasperated, the mother feels angry with both boys.

“You were riding it this afternoon, Jeremy,” Kenny says smugly.

“Why didn’t you put it away then?” his mother asks.

“Well, I was going to, but I forgot. I’ll do it later.”

“Jeremy, it’s your bike. Please get up and put it away. And do it now!”

These kinds of conversations happen every day, in every family. Sadly, they don’t just happen between parents and children. They also happen between adults. Too many people avoid taking responsibility, causing chaos to erupt.            

Here is what one woman wrote recently:

Dear Dr. David,

I feel like I am raising three children, instead of just our two adolescent sons. My husband won’t take responsibility for anything. I’m the one who has to pay the bills, keep the checkbook balanced, and generally keep the family running fairly smoothly, all while holding down a full time job. My husband goes to work, which I appreciate, but that’s about it. When I ask him to help around the house, he complains, makes excuses, or simply avoids doing anything. When he reluctantly agrees to help out, he usually forgets.

Dr. David, I am sick and tired of being the responsible person in the house. I’d like to take a vacation from the whole family. I’m starting to question whether I even want to be married if all it means is another kid to raise. I’m not trying to bash my husband. I love him and I know he loves me. But, I’m just plain tired. What can I do to raise healthy boys who will be responsible, and what can I do to get my husband to do his part in raising these boys and in caring for our house and duties around the house? Please help.

I have received many complaints like yours. There are far too many women who take on the lion’s share of caring for the family and home, with the husband feeling like he has done his part by going to work. Unfortunately, with more and more women in the workplace, this is no longer an equitable arrangement. You echo the sentiments of thousands of women who question the value of marriage if it simply means another set of dishes to wash and more laundry.

But, thankfully, it doesn’t need to be this way. However, for things to change you will need to sound the alarm, indicating that the way the family has been running is coming to a screeching halt.

So, ready yourself. Prepare for a change. Pull back, take a few hours or days, and get a broad perspective about what is happening. Here are a few critical questions to ask yourself:

1.      How does the family function at this time? Who does what?

2.      What are your various roles in the family?