Plan your family well. If one of you wants more kids than the other one does, trying to pressure the one who doesn’t want more to go ahead anyway will cause great damage to your marriage. Recognize the spiritual, emotional, physical, mental, and financial responsibility of increasing your family’s size. Expect that each new child added to your family will take away time, energy, and money from existing family members. Trust that, if God truly wants you and your spouse to have another baby, He’ll make it clear to both of you in His timing. Give each other the time and space you need to thoroughly think and pray about the decision. Listen to each other’s concerns without getting defensive. Find another couple who has wrestled with the same issue, and see what you can learn from them. Don’t make a decision one way or the other until both of you have peace about it.

 Improve your sex life. Even if you’re feeling too tired from parenting demands to think about sex, make it a priority. Realize that great sex can actually energize you by relieving stress in your marriage relationship. Schedule times for sex to enhance your bond with your spouse. Instead of waiting for your spouse to make the first move, decide to be proactive about romance yourself: Cook your spouse’s favorite meal, write a love note and leave it in his or her car, etc. Consider what activities you and your spouse found romantic before you had kids – from going to a live concert to playing miniature golf – and try those same activities again whenever you can. Turn your bedroom into a romantic zone by removing all toys and other reminders of your kids and adding some romantic items, like candles or silk pillows. Make a habit of flirting with your spouse. Don’t hesitate to discuss the specifics of what you’d like in your sexual relationship.

Show caring. Put your relationship with your spouse first, and your kids second. Do little things to help each other on a regular basis, like emptying the dishwasher or playing a game your spouse loves but you don’t like. Give each other time to pursue your individual interests. Compliment each other. Get away together on dates when you can, and use the time to do something you both enjoy. Give each other gifts. Remember that, as hard as it is to squeeze in romance during this season of heavy parenting demands, it’s worthwhile to build your relationship now so you’ll have a great marriage later on when the kids leave home and it’s just the two of you.

Lorilee Craker is the author or coauthor of nine books. A frequent speaker at MOPS groups and other mom events, Craker is also an entertainment writer for the Grand Rapids Press. A native of Canada, she lives in West Michigan with her husband and three children.