Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to him at: TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

The article about men needing to change hit a nerve with our audience. Many women responded, indicating they were glad I finally understood what they have been experiencing for years. Instead of being told to “hang in there,” or “keep on praying,” I offered counsel concerning setting healthy boundaries.

Here are a few excerpts from responses sent to me:

After reading this article I am encouraged to finally see that we who have been in the same situation as this wife are not being advised to be more submissive, a better wife, lover, etc. as I have often been advised. I have also been in this same situation.  What I have learned is to be submissive to the Lord and show love in the way of confronting the problems in a God-honoring way.  I have set many boundaries.  I have been in an unfaithful, verbally, emotional and sometimes physically abusive marriage for almost 15 yrs.  I have always had this gnawing in my gut that I must stay in the marriage, convinced that it is the Holy Spirit's leading.  I have gone to individual therapy, marital counseling and have a library of books and media on how to have a good marriage.  I have been on anti-depressants for 4 years due to the last time my husband cheated on me.

I appreciate the way this woman worded her new response to abuse: to “show love in the way of confronting the problems in a God-honoring way.” This involves speaking truthfully about problems, not ignoring them. It involves accountability, much like God holds us accountable for our behavior. It involves showing her husband respect, and expecting respect in return.

Another woman wrote:

My husband and I met 5 years ago while in college. From the beginning there has been lying and deception on his part, most of which I did not find out about until after we had married. When we got married I was 19 he was 20 and we had moved off campus together after becoming engaged. We were going to church, but living a lifestyle that was far from saved. Our pastor insisted that we start marriage counseling as soon as he found out that we were living together and I think that prompted our rush to the alter. Three months into our marriage my husband had the first of 3 affairs. He became both physically and emotionally abusive. I left, he attempted suicide I came back and dropped the charges. When is enough enough?

Again, we are never to tolerate abuse. God never intended us to live in a relationship fraught with violence. Women, and men, need to put their foot down on intolerable behavior. We must have a no-tolerance policy on abusive behavior. Then, and only then, will violence stop.