Finally, take action. After getting help for yourself, and becoming clear about the power and ravages of addictions, lovingly let your mate know that you are finished trying to shame him into changing. You’re done trying to “guilt trip” him into altering his behavior. You’re finished taking responsibility for his problem and trying to think up new ways to get him to stop gambling. Now it is time for action.

It’s time to let your mate know they must seek treatment. Let them know there is a treatment facility nearby that deals specifically with gambling issues. Let him know how much you love him, but you cannot live with this addiction. Let him know his choices: he can choose the facility in town or the one in a neighboring city. If he chooses to have your support, he must choose treatment. Otherwise, let him know you are prepared to leave the home while he considers his choices.

Tough love, you say? Yes, it is. But, if we continue to do what we’ve always done, we’ll get what we’ve always got—and that is ruining your marriage and your lives. There is a path of healing, and you both need to take it.

Published March 3, 2009