Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question t TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

Every once in a while I hit a “hot button,” and I surely hit one with the topic of jealousy. Many of you have experienced jealousy and possessiveness in your relationships, and because it is such a hot topic, you jumped in with your opinions about whether a man should be allowed to have a close friendship with a female coworker, in spite of his mate’s jealousy.

Jealousy, it seems, is part of nearly every relationship. Situations arise where we feel that achy-braky feeling in our guts, anywhere from anxiety to outright dread. We wonder if our mate can be trusted, or if we’re in for the fall of our lives. Many who come to The Marriage Recovery Center are struggling with problems stemming from an affair, perhaps an emotional affair that began with feelings of jealousy and wasn’t dealt with effectively.

The central question about feelings of jealousy is, “Do we need to swallow our feelings and ‘buck up,’ or are we entitled to request/ demand our mate change their behavior in sensitivity to our insecurity?” If we believe our mate is too chummy with a member of the opposite sex, do we have the right to ask/ insist on ‘hedges of protection,’ or must we listen to them when they tell us, “There’s nothing to worry about"?

Before offering a sampling of the many responses I received on the topic, let me lay out a few considerations:

• The one who is dabbling with danger rarely recognizes it.
• They often are defensive, protesting their behavior is not a problem.
• They often turn the problem back on the worrier, claiming they are “insecure,” “crazy,” “possessive,” or “just plain nuts.”
• Division and argument often ensues, as one side is pitted against the other.
• Working together to sort out the issues and arrive at a reasonable solution is challenging and at times, seemingly impossible.

So, here are a few of the responses I received on the topic of whether or not a mate should change their behavior in response to their mate’s insecurities:

I think you're right about the jealousy issue being a joint thing. Even if she is making more of it than is true. Her feelings about the situation deserve respect and attention. If he really cares about it he will listen to her as she expresses them and then seek to do what will make her feel better about the situation. Yes, she needs to talk about them when she's calm, not when she's already upset. Yes, if he won't listen now she can forget about it after they're married.