Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question t TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

“I feel discouraged about the future,” Lynn told me, with obvious irritation. “How can I trust he will ever change? The past has been horrible, and nothing I do seems to work.”

Linda sat across from me in my counseling office, feeling dejected and profoundly discouraged.

“I feel so guilty for how I feel,” she continued. “I know I should be more hopeful. He’s a good man, and people like him. He says he’s willing to get counseling. But, we’ve tried that before. He doesn’t change and I’m sick of it.”

Lynn paused and then continued.

“Maybe I just expect too much. After all, he’s a leader in the church and does lots of nice things for others.”

Waiting to hear the real problem, I asked Lynn point-blank about the issue that brought her into counseling.

“He is distant emotionally and intimately,” she said sadly. “It’s like I’ve got the plague or something. I ask him what I’m doing wrong, and why he doesn’t seem to want to be around me. He always tells me the same thing.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong!”

“But he still avoids you?” I asked. “Even though he says nothing is wrong, he avoids you emotionally and physically?”

“Yes,” Lynn said. “And I can’t tell anyone. I’m ashamed. We appear to have the perfect marriage. A couple of great kids. Active in the church. He’s a nice guy and we look like the perfect couple. But, no one knows I’m dying inside.”

“Let me see if I get this, Lynn,” I said. “You guys put on a good show, but inside you’re in a lot of pain. We’re not sure what kind of pain he’s in, but he avoids you, physically and emotionally. He’s active in church, and probably his work, but not available to you?”

“You’ve got it.” She began to cry.

“Am I expecting too much?” she asked through her tears. “We get a little help, and things change for a short time. Then things slip back to the way they’ve always been and it seems like I either have to accept that this is my life, or leave him. Neither option sounds very good to me.”