Lynn’s words echoed in my ears, with the thousands other times I’ve heard them.

I either have to accept things the way they are, or leave.

Take a moment and inspect those words very carefully. Consider the significant problem with viewing things so narrowly.

• We’re locked into two narrow options.
• Our world becomes small, rigid, constricted.
• As our viewpoint narrows, we loose creativity and possibility.  

But how do we expand the possibilities when all we can see are the two, narrow options. Consider this positive story from a woman who has been in counseling for the past six months.

Dear Dr. David. Thank you for helping me see that I have more options than to simply accept things the way they are, praying and praying for change, or to leave. You helped me see that I could change me, and change the way I interact with my husband. While I didn’t like it at the time, your counsel to “create a crisis” was good advice. Things were shaky at first, but you were right when you said deep down my husband didn’t really want to lose our marriage. I finally got it that it was going to have to be me to drive the change in our marriage, but once I pushed hard for change, my husband understood that we were in trouble and agreed to participate in your Marriage Intensive. It took a crisis, however, for any change to occur. I still have to be firm about ongoing counseling as well. But, we’re certainly on the right track. Thanks for nudging me out of my narrow, discouraged point of view. ~ Hopeful in Seattle

This woman from Seattle understood the “paralysis of analysis”—where you turn a problem over in your mind so many times that everything becomes muddled. She knew the discouragement of praying and praying for change, but being frozen within her own inaction. Feeling betrayed by God, as well as her husband, she settled sadly into a life of disappointment—until she decided to take drastic action.

Let me share a few a strategies “Seattle” used. Consider trying them if you find yourself contemplating one extreme or the other:

1.  Don’t get stuck in extreme thinking. You have more options than simply to accept things the way they are or leave. There are hundreds of ways you enable things to stay the same, and understanding them—as well as changing them—will open up new possibilities;

2.  Get support. Being alone in your mind is a dangerous undertaking. Take a friend in with you. Better yet, take a friend and a respected psychologist and perhaps even your pastor. There is wisdom in the counsel of many (Proverbs 11: 14);