Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to: TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

You’ve been struggling in your marriage. The conflict is never-ending, the romance faded years ago, and you’re holding on to your marriage by a thread. You’ve threatened to end the marriage, only in your mind, but that goes against all you dreamed about early in your marriage.

You know God hates divorce. Yet you also know you’re miserable and things have to change or you’re going to lose your sanity.

Knowing that what you’re doing isn’t working is the first step toward change. In fact, doing the same thing and expecting different results has been called the definition of insanity. You’re not insane and you are finally ready to find help. But knowing where to begin finding help can be a minefield. Where do you turn for help? So many choices and so much at stake.

Indeed, finding the right marriage counselor can be a bit like looking for a needle in a haystack. Looking for someone to help coach you and your mate back to health is a precarious enterprise, not to be taken lightly. And how many friends have you known who went to see a therapist, only to be greatly disappointed?

Consider this story from a woman who wrote to me recently.

Dear Dr. David:

I’ve been reading your articles, and you often talk about getting professional help. Almost all of your articles end with the encouragement to get professional help, but this is usually easier said than done.

My situation may be a bit different than others. My husband resisted counseling for the longest time. Out of desperation, I finally insisted upon it, with the threat of separation if he wouldn’t agree. To my surprise, he agreed, though not without an initial struggle.

Getting him to see our pastor for counseling turned out to be the easiest part of the issue. My pastor agreed to see us, but then it became weeks in between appointments. We’ve seen him twice now in the past two months, and I think we’re worse off than when we started.

So, we are now looking for a professional counselor, and I want to make sure we see that person at least weekly. It seems like too little counseling is as bad as not receiving any counseling at all. What are your thoughts on the subject? --- Looking for Help