While God ordained marriage, He also made it clear that in this life we would have trials and tribulations—and they will come into our marriages. The book of Job reminds us that trials are natural in this life: “Yet man is born into trouble, as surely as sparks fly upward.” (Job 5:7) What can you do if you find yourself in the situation of this woman? Here are some issues to consider: 

First, keep marriage problems in perspective. It is tempting to believe that marriage should be one moment of bliss followed by another. If you’ve been married longer than two weeks, you know that isn’t true. The challenge is to keep problems in perspective. There is no need to feel ashamed for needing marriage counseling.

Second, don’t base your love for one another on temporary feelings, or temporary problems. Your covenantal commitment to one another must run deep. While there is nothing quite as exhilarating as new-found love, deep-rooted covenantal love is even sweeter. This love stands the test of time and the test of trials. Struggle, in fact, can increase your appreciation for one another if you face adversity as a team.

Third, know when to seek help. Your marital health is no place for puffed-up pride. Trying to fix your own marriage is like trying to be your own medical doctor. There is a time and place to practice good marital health practices on your own, and there is a time to call for help. Know the difference.

Fourth, when overwhelming trouble comes, know where to turn for help. Don’t wait until trouble comes to seek assistance. Developing a relationship with your pastor and a professional counselor often enhances even the healthiest marriage. Know when you are able to solve problems on your own, when to talk to a friend or pastor, and when you need to seek professional counsel. Know when it is best to seek pastoral counseling—which most definitely has its place—and when to seek help from a specialist in the field of Christian mental health.

Fifth, a little help may be worse than no help at all. If you decide what you’re doing is not working, and your marriage is in jeopardy, don’t cut corners. As the woman’s letter suggested, too little help can stir up problems without adequately resolving them, leaving you feeling even more discouraged. Trusting your marital and mental health to someone is a serious endeavor.

Just as you would never consider seeking “adequate” assistance for your medical health, don’t settle for anything but the best for your marital health as well. Sometimes an hour a week is sufficient; many times not. Make the commitment to go to counseling for as long as it takes to remedy the problem. Be willing to take whatever measures are necessary to repair your marital problems. Stick with it even when going is challenging and inconvenient.