Editor's Note: Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. Submit your question to TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com.

"There is nothing worse than having my words turned around on me," a young woman told me during a recent individual counseling session. Kate had been coming for couples counseling for three months, and was quite frustrated with the lack of progress.

"He's coming for counseling," she continued, "but I don't believe he really thinks any of the problem is his. He acts nice during the counseling session, but he reverts back to his old self after we get home."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You see the best side of him," Kate said emphatically. "He really can be a nice guy. That's why I married him. But, he complains about the cost of counseling, feels like we're ganging up on him and thinks I'm making too big a deal out of it. He wants the problems to just go away. He accuses me of making the problems bigger, and I think he is dismissing me. It's driving me crazy."

"I've actually noticed some of that in our couples work," I said reassuringly. "Doug seems uncomfortable with your feelings, and does seem to want the problem to just go away."

"But it's more than that," Kate protested, gesturing to make her point. "He blames me for making the problem worse. He accuses me of being the ‘troublemaker.' He loses his temper and then blames me for making him angry. I'm sick of this marriage and don't know what to do. When I threaten to leave, he accuses me of not being dedicated to the marriage. He doesn't see that his actions create this reaction in me!"

I watched Kate sink further into her chair. Tired and worn, she looked ten years older than her thirty years. Her complaints were an echo of a growing number of emails and phone calls, where many women, and some men, are tiring of their marriage. 

"I call that being ‘CrazyMaker crazed' and it's no fun," I said. "Working on your marriage takes something out of you because you feel a lack of ownership with your husband. Is that right?"

"Yes!" Kate said with exasperation.

"These are character issues and must be carefully rooted out of the relationship. It also suggests denial on Doug's part. He isn't accepting responsibility for his part in this CrazyMaking dance."

"How do we get him to see it if he's in denial?" Kate asked. "I don't know that I have the motivation to keep trying. He exhausts me."