9. Developing Spiritual Intimacy: Talk about your faith and how you live it out. Rate how important each of these aspects of a spiritual life are to you, and have your partner do the same: attending church and worshipping together, participating in church activities (such as Bible studies), having a personal faith in God, giving money and time to the church and other charities, forgiving each other, accepting each other unconditionally, celebrating religious holidays, reading the Bible together, having devotions together, praying together, and serving others together). Describe the spiritual atmosphere in your home as you were growing up. Share where you currently are on your spiritual journey and what your core beliefs you each have. Determine what core beliefs you and your partner share. Talk about whether and how you plan to pray together, whether you will attend the same church (and where), and how you can work together to serve others.
10. Choosing an Intentional Marriage: If you've decided by now that you're ready to get married, use this date to set goals for your future marriage. Talk about how involved you'd like to be in each other's everyday lives - minimally involved (where you have separate interests and live fairly independent lives), moderately involved (most couples fit into this category), or involved on a maximum level (such as working together as well as living together). Know that these involvement levels may change during different seasons of your marriage. Choose a mentor couple to help you and your partner when you're newlyweds. Make commitments to prioritize your relationship so you have enough time with each other on a regular basis. Then write out your marriage goals, including when you would like to accomplish them and what steps you plan to take to do so.
Adapted from 10 Great Dates Before You Say "I Do," copyright 2003 by David and Claudia Arp and Curt and Natelle Brown. Published by Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Mich., www.zondervan.com.
Claudia Arp and David Arp, MSW, founders of Marriage Alive International, Inc., are educators, popular speakers, columnists, and award-winning authors. Frequent contributors to print and broadcast media, the Arps have appeared on the Today Show, CBS This Morning, and Focus on the Family. Their 10 Great Dates program is popular across the United States.
Curt Brown and Natelle Brown, MA, MFT, are directors of marriage ministry at Wellshire Presbyterian Church in Denver, Colorado, and advisors to the Colorado Marriage Project. They are experienced mentors to engaged couples, marriage coaches to newlyweds, and developers of the Marriage Alive "Before You Say 'I Do'" seminar.
