Sometimes it seems the only lesson in life that's harder than learning how to forgive is learning how to receive forgiveness. Much has been said about looking to Jesus as our role model for offering grace, but reconciliation can be short-circuited by a failure on the other end, the receiving end. The "guilty" partner is unwilling to receive or sees no need to receive forgiveness. God offers forgiveness, but for us to be restored and reconciled, for the relationship to be healed, the guilty party must have the right spirit. The Bible calls it repentance. Fortunately, God gives us a model. We're to receive forgiveness the same way He tells us to receive salvation.

Let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and or bodies washed with pure water. (Hebrews 10:22)

If you've offended your spouse and are seeking forgiveness, this verse and those immediately following it are your road map to reconciliation. Here you have a guide for authentic restoration. It starts with attitude.

           • A Humble Heart.
                   seeking Mercy, not grace.

           • A Repentant Heart,
                  eager to change.

           • A Committed Heart,
                  reaffirming your vows.

           • A Loving Heart,
                  ready to work.

Come with a humble heart, seeking mercy, not grace. If I've wronged my wife, I deserve nothing from her. Certainly not grace. The only appropriate way to approach her is the way I approach God when I'm seeking a restored relationship with Him. "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" (see Luke 18:13). I should seek only mercy, which we've already learned is to have the one I've offended not give me what I deserve. "Be merciful to me, a husband" says I'm bringing no expectations to the table. What I receive is entirely Becky's call. I demand nothing, but humbly seek mercy.

After all, think of the alternative. Let's say I lose my temper big time with Becky. I yell at her, put her down, then come to her and say, "You know, sweetheart, I'm sorry, Will you forgive me?" And then before she can even respond, I add, "You know, honey, you owe me not only mercy, but grace. So since I've apologized, take the kids to a movie and then come home and fix me my favorite shrimp and steak while I put on some soft music-and we'll just enjoy a nice romantic evening together."