• Discover how your spouse tackles problems. Consider whether your spouse solves problems aggressively or passively. An aggressive problem solver says, "Let's do it now." He or she is a self-starter, bold, determined, and tenacious. But under stress, he or she becomes impatient and blunt. In conflict, he or she becomes intimidating and confrontational.

A passive problem solver says, "Let's give it some time." He or she is considerate, self-controlled, patient, and cooperative. But under stress, he or she becomes anxious and slow. In conflict, he or she becomes indecisive and withdrawn. Use this information to learn more about your spouse's style of talking.

• Consider how you and your spouse influence each other. Think about whether your spouse is influenced more powerfully by facts or feelings. Figure out whether facts or feelings influence you the most. Someone influenced by facts says, "Let's look at all the evidence." He or she is realistic, logical, reflective, and calm. But under stress, he or she becomes pessimistic and introspective. In conflict, he or she becomes skeptical and uncommunicative.

Someone influenced by feelings says, "Trust me, it will work great." He or she is optimistic, friendly, outgoing, and inspiring. But under stress, he or she becomes impulsive and unrealistic. In conflict, he or she becomes a poor listener and unreliable. Use this knowledge to make your conversations more productive.

• Learn how your spouse reacts to change. Figure out whether your spouse is resistant to change or accepting of change. A person who is resistant to change says, "Let's keep things the way they are." He or she is stable, loyal, a team player, and methodical. Under stress, he or she becomes slow-paced and inflexible. In conflict, he or she becomes stubborn and sullen.

A person who is accepting of change says, "Let's try something new." He or she is energetic, progressive, spontaneous, and flexible. But under stress, he or she becomes intense and restless. In conflict, he or she becomes distracted and impulsive. Use this information to negotiate change more successfully with your spouse.

• Study how your spouse makes decisions. Is your spouse cautious or spontaneous? A cautious decision maker says, "I'm not sure yet." He or she is conscientious, has high standards, and is accurate. But under stress, he or she becomes an exacting perfectionist. In conflict, he or she becomes indecisive and unyielding.

A spontaneous decision maker says, "Let's go for it." He or she is bold, decisive, and independent. But under stress, he or she becomes controversial and insensitive. And in conflict, he or she becomes reckless and overconfident.

• Empathize with your spouse. Ask God to help you see the world as your partner sees it. Try to imagine yourself experiencing life as your spouse does. Try to understand why your partner feels the way he or she does. Know that empathizing with your spouse will help create a strong connection with him or her.