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The Meaning of Sex in Marriage

The Meaning of Sex in Marriage

Albert Mohler

Author, Speaker, President of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

The Christian worldview must direct all consideration of sexuality to the institution of marriage. Marriage is not merely the arena for sexual activity, it is presented in Scripture as the divinely-designed arena for the display of God's glory on earth as a man and a wife come together in a one-flesh relationship within the marriage covenant. Rightly understood and rightly ordered, marriage is a picture of God's own covenantal faithfulness. Marriage is to display God's glory, reveal God's good gifts to His creatures, and protect human beings from the inevitable disaster that follows when sexual passions are divorced from their rightful place.

The marginalization of marriage, and the open antipathy with which many in the culture elite approach the question of marriage, produces a context in which Christians committed to a marriage ethic appear hopelessly out of step with the larger culture. Whereas marriage is seen as a privatized contract to be made and unmade at will in the larger society, Christians must see marriage as an inviolable covenant made before God and man, that establishes both temporal and eternal realities.

Christians have no right to be embarrassed when it comes to talking about sex and sexuality. An unhealthy reticence or embarrassment in dealing with these issues is a form of disrespect to God's creation. Whatever God made is good, and every good thing God made has an intended purpose that ultimately reveals His own glory. When conservative Christians respond to sex with ambivalence or embarrassment, we slander the goodness of God and hide God's glory which is intended to be revealed in the right use of creation's gifts.

Therefore, our first responsibility is to point all persons toward the right use of God's good gifts and the legitimacy of sex in marriage as one vital aspect of God's intention in marriage from the beginning.

Many individuals -- especially young men -- hold a false expectation of what sex represents within the marriage relationship. Since the male sex drive is largely directed towards genital pleasure, men often assume that women are just the same. While physical pleasure is certainly an essential part of the female experience of sex, it is not as focused on the solitary goal of genital fulfillment as is the case with many men.

A biblical worldview understands that God has demonstrated His glory in both the sameness and the differences that mark men and women, male and female. Alike made in the image of God, men and women are literally made for each other. The physicality of the male and female bodies cries out for fulfillment in the other. The sex drive calls both men and women out of themselves and toward a covenantal relationship which is consummated in a one-flesh union.

By definition, sex within marriage is not merely the accomplishment of sexual fulfillment on the part of two individuals who happen to share the same bed. Rather, it is the mutual self-giving that reaches pleasures both physical and spiritual. The emotional aspect of sex cannot be divorced from the physical dimension of the sex act. Though men are often tempted to forget this, women possess more and less gentle means of making that need clear.

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Most Recent User Comments
musicmom823
7/4/2008 11:47 AM
Please women, remember God made us to be responders to physical touch. Just because we don't "feel like it" or don't think he's connected to us right that day does not mean we should deny sex to our husbands. Some of the most memorable times of intimacy with my husband have come from my "going through the motions" when I didn't "feel like it" and surprise surprise, all I needed was some priming of the pump so to speak....and may I say God honored my choice to respond to my husband and...WOW. Men need that physical release, do not deny it to him. To make him "earn" it gives us license to deny him....and Scripture says we do not have the right to deny our bodies to our spouses. We honor God and our husband when we give our bodies to him freely. Pray about it for sure ladies...but follow up with action. You'll be pleasantly surprised if you do.
Ms.LindaK
7/3/2008 12:57 PM
I appreciate the candor of the article; it was thought provoking. Also the comments relative to this article were food for thought. It seems this area in christian life is a definite pitfall as I too find myself 'lacking' - for me, I will follow the previous female commenter's suggestion 'and pray daily...'. But to that end if a woman loses interest - is this statement being fed? : "Therefore, our first responsibility is to point all persons toward the right use of God's good gifts and the legitimacy of sex in marriage as one vital aspect of God's intention in marriage from the beginning." and knowing that the woman's needs are different is this being accomplished?:"Even as wives are commanded to submit to the authority of their husbands, the husband is called to a far higher standard of Christ-like love and devotion toward the wife." by:"a husband must regularly "earn" privileged access to the marital bed, I mean that a husband owes his wife the confidence, affection, ..."
dnnyls
6/26/2008 12:06 AM
I appreciate how up front this article is. It's true that sex is one of God's great gifts, & it should be looked upon as a gift - not something embarrassing. Speaking as a wife, I noticed the previous comment; dealing with decrease in her sex drive. We've all been there [perhaps still are]. We FEEL like asking for his sex drive to diminish sometimes... But what SHOULD we be asking for? Sex is an incredible GIFT FROM GOD! ...That knowledge still doesn't make me interested :) ...But I have heard older women advise us [the women] to ask God to give us a desire for our husband. --To make that our prayer every morning. (That doesn't mean asking or expecting to go crazy over your husband, but to connect physically in some way & to desire God's glory & His blessing upon your marriage.) ...I hope this helps... I'm giving this advice to myself at the same time that I'm passing it along to others reading this.
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