I am also concerned about her friendships. Rather then deal with our issues where they belong, and with the people whom it concerns (see instructions in Matthew 18) it is tempting to go to others who will take up an offense, triangulate (Let’s me and you talk about them.") and thereby avoid repairing the problem at its source.

Healthy couples keep issues small. They address them in a prompt manner, keep them from escalating into larger issues, find solutions that feel good to both people, and then hold one another accountable for following through with those solutions.

That brings me to my third recommendation. I agree with your thoughts about going for counseling. Seek a neutral, professional third party who will listen and bring wisdom to bear on your situation. Your counselor will provide the accountability needed to follow through with specific solutions.

Do you need sound, Biblically-based advice on an issue in your marriage or family?  Dr. David will address two questions from Crosswalk readers in each weekly column. Submit your question to him at TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com

David Hawkins, Pd.D., has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. He is the author of over 18 books, including Love Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage ,     Saying It So He'll Listen , and  When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You . His newest books are titled  The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Healing a Hurting Relationship and  The Relationship Doctor's Prescription for Living Beyond Guilt.  Dr. Hawkins grew up in the beautiful Pacific Northwest and lives with his wife on the South Puget Sound where he enjoys sailing, biking, and skiing. He has active practices in two Washington cities.