Before you go out to begin new relationships, it is imperative that you look yourself in the mirror and ask, “Did I contribute anything to the dissolution of the marriage?”

We see individuals all the time who blame all the problems in a marriage on the other spouse. They run away, often to another relationship, only to find , similar problems cropping up in the new relationship. We can’t run away from ourselves!

When you begin dating, be ready to be honest with your potential dates. One man, when asked by his first-time dates, “Why did your marriage go on the rocks?” would answer, “I know I contributed to the demise of the marriage. I was a different man then. After the marriage ended, I felt like a huge failure, so I took a long hard look at myself. I saw I was not good at managing stress. I was too short-tempered and impatient. I also hid my true emotions. I would just push down any negative emotions. When there was a seemingly minor infraction, I would overreact. I have worked on learning many new relationship skills, including some great new communication and listening skills. Also, the divorce caused a crisis of faith and I came to realize I was unable to control all of life. Now I know God is in control, so I don’t have to be controlling. Even my children have seen a difference. Ask them!”

By being honest and open and giving permission for the date to “check him out” with others, this man opened the door for an honest relationship. A foundation for trust was laid on the first date.

Have you created a list of qualities you are looking for in the next person you marry?

On some side-view mirrors are the words, “Objects may appear larger than they really are.” In the same way, loneliness, unmet emotional needs, and old patterns can make someone of the opposite sex appear to be much more attractive as a potential mate than they actually are. Know what you are aiming at. Take the advice of one of the people we surveyed for this book: “Be the kind of person you’d want to marry.”

In addition to your list, ask your children what they want and don’t want in the person you might marry. They might want someone with kids—or they might not. They might want a man who’ll come watch them play sports or a woman who is a great cook. You won’t know until you ask them.

Taken from Single Men Are Like Waffles - Single Women Are Like Spaghetti. Copyright 2008 by Bill and Pam Farrel. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by Permission.