Answer: life is hard -- for everyone. Especially when we have a family to take care of. And we are only human after all. We get tired. We get grumpy. Sometimes we don't feel like putting forth the effort. Many times it's easier to go to a scheduled activity than to put forth the energy it takes to connect with our spouse (or our children) one-on-one.

And might I suggest that because we are Christians we are a target for greater temptation and "sifting" than the average person? Satan would love nothing more than for the general public to read a statistic about Christian marriages ending in divorce at a higher rate than others.

Most Vulnerable in the Early Years

Over-zealous parenting is not the only roadblock to intimacy between spouses. Even at our best, parenting exposes the soft underbelly of each married partner. At some point, neither spouse can live up to the other's expectations for family life, especially in the early years of parenting.

I was unable to find any statistics that clarified the average age of children involved in divorce, though I'm sure they are out there somewhere. I found a statistic on Divorcemagazine.com from 1997 citing the median duration of marriages that end up in divorce as 7.2 years. If this is still an accurate estimate, we can only assume that many children of divorce are younger than the age of seven years.

My friends who have made it to twenty-plus years of marriage tell me that when their children were toddlers and/or preschool age there were plenty of times when they almost gave up on their marriages. I recently read a survey done by Parenting magazine that indicated basically the same thing: couples who made it to the empty nest cited the time when their children were very young as the most stressful time in their marriage.

Apparently, this phenomenon is well documented among the body of research in family sociology. My curiosity led me to website after website that made frequent references to the "decrease in marital satisfaction during childrearing years". The good news? As equally well documented is the increase in marital satisfaction after the kids have all left home. Can we make it that long? Apparently 5.2 per 1000 pop. in West Virginia cannot.

Ask God for Protection During the Vulnerable Years

As Christians, we should prepare for spiritual warfare with regards to our marriages. Make it a priority to read scripture with your spouse that builds up your relationship. Pray together on a regular basis! I believe it was C.S. Lewis who posed the question, "Have you ever tried to stay angry at someone while praying with them?" And pray for your marriage. Never underestimate the importance of praying for a lasting relationship with your spouse.

If you have young children in your home, take heart! Things can only get better. As one who is finally emerging from those years of comas induced by attending to the needs of my offspring, I must say: rediscovering the person you married can be a joy!

Better yet, try not to lose that connection from the beginning. Make your spouse a priority in your life. If you find yourself bored or too exhausted to care, this is the time you need to make the most effort. You have the power to change some things about your relationship. Marriages need to be nurtured. They need to be treasured. They need to be fiercely protected. Just as God protects and nurtures us.

It is from their observations of our relationships that our children form the basis of their own relationship with God. They learn about true commitment from us. They learn about faith and strength in adversity. No relationship is perfect, but the lessons we learn as we work through life's challenges make us who we are.

Statistics show that enduring marriages are the minority now. Of all the things we give our children in the name of doing what is in their best interest...isn't staying married to their other parent pretty important?