There is much to grieve in this life, and responding to life’s destructive forces gently instead of with indignant power may well make us accomplices to these destructive forces.  For many, gentleness is a disguise for being dispassionate spectators of life and a hiding place for fear and passivity. 

The pastor’s sons who ask for help are always expected to be happy, one of the most damaging myths in evangelicalism today.  I call this the Happiness Mentality, and it needs to go away.

Here’s an example from my own life that I write about in my upcoming book, Unleashing Courageous Faith.  I went to a funeral of someone I loved and the minister said that we should not shed tears because he was with Jesus now.  “This is not a day of mourning, but of celebration!” he said, with a level of enthusiasm that appeared fake to me.  He didn’t even seem to believe what he was saying.  He spoke as if he was following a script.

“Celebration?!” I thought.  “I loved this guy.  I’m not going to celebrate his death, I’m going to weep his loss.”

True to the Happiness Mentality that we slavishly idolize, this talker of spiritual matters did not allow for the spectrum of human life, love, and longing because this spectrum is not considered “spiritual.”  He didn’t allow for both weeping and celebration.  True to his spiritual training, he axed the negative stuff and gave us a plateful of spiritual dessert.

And instead of leading us toward a more loving and compassionate orientation toward life as it really is, he encouraged a very selfish approach toward those closest to the family man.  Why express your condolences to his 12-year-old daughter who just lost her father when the spiritual leader just told you there’s nothing really to cry about?  She remains untouched and unloved.  The Happiness Mentality in many ways is actually a cruel mentality.