Because I (Pam) am a firstborn, opinions come easy to me, and I have to deliberately decide to defer. I don’t think I’m alone in this either. Plenty of women who are not firstborn also have a hard time holding back the urge to get in the last word or put in their two cents. One joke puts it this way:
“I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.”
In my new book, 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband: Put a Smile on His Face, I encourage wives to try saying, “Yes, Dear” this week without rolling your eyes or being sarcastic. (I know. I’ve been tempted too.)
I’m not saying don’t have an opinion. I am asking you to find or create some areas where you’d be willing to trust your husband’s leadership, do things his way and yes, even avoid giving your opinion in some circumstances.
Stop right now and do a simple inventory: Of all the varied opinions you express, how many are truly high-impact areas, things that really affect you, your future, and your ability to succeed? On the other hand, how many more are simply preferences and desires? Do you really always have to be “right”?
Recently, an event in my personal life has me revisiting my own advice. One of our dear friends has been in the hospital in critical care for months. As I am writing this, he is on life support. It has me thinking of the frailty of life. Would you have any regrets if today was your spouse’s last day with you on earth? Because we travel so much, and each trip could be our last, the little things have become less vital to me. For example, does it really matter which way he drives the family to church? How he folds his clothes (or doesn’t), or do I need to react if he buys yet another gadget?
But releasing the reins can be tough. Perhaps we could all try to release a little at a time. On minor issues, try to withhold an opinion and instead simply say one of these versions of “Yes, Dear”:
- “Sounds good.”
- “Nice plan.”
- “Appreciate your diligence on this.”
- “Great idea!”
- “Let’s run with that.”
- “Thanks for thinking this through for us.”
As I have been interviewed on TV and radio for 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, when I share this “Yes, Dear” idea, wow, I get the most reaction from the men in the audience (as well as male hosts and tech crew). The comment I get most often is, “Wow, it would feel so good to go even just one entire day and have my wife agree with me on everything! To be ‘right’ for one whole day—what a treat!”
This year, I (Pam) am looking for wives willing to WOW their man. Pick up 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband, then set aside one day a week to wow him. I have some “Wow” date suggestions, but I also include some wow activities that will help you like yourself better—and in turn, you may just put a smile on your husband’s face! Go to Pam and Bill Farrel Facebook page, “like” us and post a picture of you and the husband you are willing to wow this year. Commit to making this his best year yet—love without regrets! And, consider this, if your husband’s wishes are not immoral or illegal, try saying “Yes!”
Bill and Pam Farrel are international speakers, authors of over 35 books, including best selling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, and Pam’s newest, 52 Ways to Wow Your Husband. They have been happily married for 32 years and are the founders of Love-Wise. (www.Love-Wise.com)