The other day, while at church of all places, I snapped a bit at four people (in four different encounters) within about 30 minutes. Not a banner day, that's for sure. I had some mending to do --- which I did. Thankfully, I was shown a lot of grace, which I desperately need a good deal of the time from the people in my life. The littlest, dumbest things got under my skin and I didn't bother trying to mask my annoyance. But I was so struck by how short my fuse was that morning...shorter than the usual pretty darn short.
It got me thinking that I have really been living out of my humanness a majority of the time lately. I stumbled upon a great quote by Jim Cymbala: "God will manifest himself in direct proportion to our passion for him." Why didn't I have the strength of character to simply be kind, let alone even tolerate, those petty irritations? Why do I seem to be enduring my kids lately as opposed to enjoying them like crazy? Sure, I'm tired. And I'm busier than I probably should be. But it's more than that. It's that my passion has been low and I have been doing next to nothing of late to fan the flames of my relationship with God --- so I should actually expect little to no supernatural power to overcome my human tendencies and flawed knee-jerk reactions to life.
Typically when this happens --- when I blow it --- I beat myself up a bit and move on. This time however, I took a moment to jot it down in my journal --- and I'm giving myself some time to really think about those incidents. To think about the why behind it and to think about what I can do to combat that from happening again. And I know what I need to do...it's quite simple really...I need to practice what I preach...I need to get back on track. I need to spend time with Jesus every day. I need to spend time in His word and to spend time talking with Him. But it's not going to happen just because I say I need to do it. So, I'm going to stop writing right now and go do that. This way, if I run into you at the grocery store this afternoon, and you get in front of me in the express line with 16 items when you should only have 15, I just might refrain from snapping at you. Just maybe...
© Elisabeth K. Corcoran, 2004
Elisabeth K. Corcoran is the author of Calm in My Chaos: Encouragement for a Mom's Weary Soul. She is wife to Kevin, and mom to Sara, 7-&-1/2, and Jack, 5-&-11/12. Her passion is encouraging women and she fulfills that through heading up the Women's Ministries on staff at Blackberry Creek Community Church in Aurora, IL and writing as much as she can. "Calm in My Chaos" (2001) can be purchased directly through her publisher, Kregel Publications at #1-888-644-0500 or www.kregel.com, at www.amazon.com, or through your local Christian bookstore.