October 10
Monday
DAY FOUR: DELAYED REACTION
Be not far from me, O God; come quickly, O my God, to help me. —Psalm 71:12 (NIV)
The day after I got the news that my melanoma had recurred, I woke up at dawn with the whole weight of what was happening crushing the breath out of me. For the first time I began to sob. My husband Charlie woke up and held me as I cried.
“How am I going to do this again?” I asked. “How can I wait for report after report, week after week, never knowing what the next one will bring? What if I don’t have enough left deep down inside to face this?”
“You do, you do,” he murmured. “Everything will be all right.” He was still saying it when I finally cried myself out and fell asleep.
When I woke again, the short October day was nearly half over. My eyes were glued shut with dried tears as I lay quietly, listening to Charlie moving around downstairs. My meltdown had forced me to face a brutally difficult issue: The faith that had deepened and strengthened six years ago would have to grow deeper and stronger. But how?
I’d always objected to the notion that God targets us for pain or trial. Yet, I’d believed that every bad thing that comes is an opportunity to draw closer to Him, to depend more upon Him, to need Him and to love Him.
And this is what I still believed...I just wasn’t sure I could feel it. “Lord, I can’t get there alone,” I whispered. “Please send help.”
Then Charlie walked into our room. “I’ve been busy,” he declared with a surprisingly luminous smile. “We’re going to Key West the first week in December. I made all the arrangements.”
Jesus, my Lord and Brother, speak to me of faith in the voices of those around me. —Marci Alborghetti
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