Women must fight abuse

Part one of a two-part article on domestic abuse. Part two will run next Wednesday.

A few years ago the American Medical Association declared domestic violence against women to be a national epidemic. Abuse in the home is the leading source of injury for women between the ages of 15 and 44. Sadly, the statistics for abuse are the same in Christian as in non-Christian households.

Women must realize that they do not deserve to be abused and mistreated. Woman is the glory of the man, (1 Cor. 11:7) not a doormat, a victim, or a possession. Although the statistics cite women as the primary victims, men, too, can be victims of domestic abuse.

If you, or someone you care about, is a victim of abuse, here are some positive suggestions that have worked for others:

• Get out quickly. Take your keys, purse, and your children and go. If you have been abused before and you think it might happen again, take some things to a friend's house - extra toiletries, some cash, and clothing needs for a few days. If violence does occur, either go to the friend's home or to a motel, your parents, or a shelter.

• Don't go to another man. Think about the long-term consequences. If your marriage ends in separation or divorce, you certainly don't want your husband to be able to produce accusations of your abandoning the marriage because of another man.

• Don't leave the children there. You don't want them to be subjected to any of his anger or abuse when he finds you have left. If you do leave them, it can be interpreted as abandonment.

• Get medical attention. If you've been injured by your husband, don't be embarrassed at how you look and don't be ashamed of what's happened - just get help. Get a copy of the medical report and the bill.

• Don't lie. When you report the abuse, tell the story just as it happened. Professional people (doctors, police, nurses) see this abuse day after day. Your situation is not unique. Don't cover up for him, and be sure to let them know if there have been other instances of violence - if that is the case.

• Get a restraining order. Go to the courthouse and file a restraining order against your abusive husband. You must explain why you need it and you must be able to articulate a fear of violence, harassment, or threats. This is not a guarantee of your safety, but it will document the fact that you were afraid. If your husband shows up in violation of this order, call the police.

• Get a safe-deposit box. Place in the box: extra keys to the house and car; extra blank checks from your own account; duplicate credit card (your own, not in his name); at least \$200 in cash; copies of the wills, bank statements, credit card bills, marriage certificates, birth certificates, and the restraining order; photos of past injuries due to violence; and copies of police reports detailing past violence.

• Take color pictures. Take pictures of the house in disarray, or broken furniture or windows, and of the children, frightened and hurt. Have someone take pictures of you, including close-up shots of bruises and lacerations.

• Remove known weapons. If there is a gun in the house, temporarily remove it so that your husband will not be able to hurt you, your children, or himself in a moment of rage.

• Press charges and stick with them. If you value your life and your children's lives, proceed with the charges. Don't assume your violent husband will reform tomorrow.

From Taking Charge of Your Life by Florence Littauer. Used by permission of Fleming H. Revell, a division of Baker Book House Company, Grand Rapids, Mich. Copyright (c) 1994, 1999 by Florence Littauer. All rights to this material are reserved. Materials are not to be distributed to other web locations for retrieval, published in other media, or mirrored at other sites without written permission from Baker Book House Company.

Florence Littauer is a popular speaker and the author of more than 25 books, including Personality Plus. She and her husband, Fred, have been married for more than 45 years and speak frequently at retreats and leadership seminars.

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