10. Doesn’t practice all week, but expects to start on game day.

9. Gets upset when every ball that’s hit doesn’t come directly to him.

8. Never swings at a pitch because, “this pitcher doesn’t throw like the last pitcher. The game’s just not the same since he left.”

7. Wants to run home before going to first base.

6. Chatters in order to keep his own teammates from hitting the ball.

5. Doesn’t come to the game unless the coach personally calls him on the phone, each week, and invites him to show up.

4. Won’t run after the ball if it’s more than three feet away. After all, surely somebody will get it sooner or later.

3. Thinks baseball cleats are for leaving neat designs on his teammates backs.

2. Gets upset because the phone line to the bull pen doesn’t have call waiting. If it did, he could gripe about how bad the pitcher is doing, and yet never miss out if someone wanted to talk about the catcher.

1. Thinks the game will last so long, that the concession stand will be closed before it’s over.