If you buy a house, it will be one of the biggest and most important purchases you’ll ever make. You may also consider it one of your biggest investments.

Some would say it doesn’t make sense to not buy a house. What other investment tends to grow in value while it’s being used? There’s no guarantee that a home’s worth will increase, but that’s been the general trend over the years.

A first house usually isn’t the one a couple lives in for a long time. So there’s no need to insist that it be a “dream” house. It’s enough if it builds equity toward a down payment on the next home.

Real estate agent Donald Stull says the process of buying a home can have financial and social benefits. Financially, it gets a husband and wife to do what they may not ordinarily do – invest a large amount of money. Socially, it creates an opportunity for them to compromise and communicate their dreams.

Buying a home has the potential to be a moneymaker and a memory producer for couples. It can be exciting, but stressful. The two of you, should you decide to buy, need to communicate openly throughout the process.

Should you seek wisdom from your parents on the question of purchasing a home? If they’ve been poor financial stewards, asking their advice on this subject might not be the best choice. But if they’ve displayed sound, consistent stewardship of their money, it would be helpful to seek their perspective.

A few parents have saved money to assist their children with the purchase of a first home. It’s not wrong to accept their gift if it’s an unconditional one. But if there are “strings” attached to the funds, it would be wise to say, “Thank you, but no thanks.” There are potential dangers in loans from family members because of the entitlement often felt by the lender. Wisdom doesn’t have to be paid back, but money does.

So should you buy a house? Here are four factors to consider:

1. Your ability to pay for it. You’ll need the down payment, of course. But then there are the monthly mortgage payments.
   
   If you don’t have a budget already, develop one to see how much money is available each month to put toward those payments (including taxes and insurance). IF those payments don’t require you to cut out essentials like food, utilities, clothing, giving, and saving, then you may be ready to purchase a home. Realtors and lenders often advise couples to make sure they aren’t “getting in over their heads” by using the following formula:
   
   
   • Divide your fixed debt (The mortgage you’re considering, credit cards, student loans, car payment – anything that requires long-term payback) by your gross income (before taxes and deductions).
   • Turn the results into a percentage by moving the decimal two places to the right. To pass muster with most lenders, the percentage generally should be under 36 percent, preferably under 30 percent, and as close to 20 percent as possible. Still, some lenders will allow up to 45 percent, depending on the applicant’s credit score.
2. Timing. There are times when renting may be the wisest choice, even if you’ve saved up a down payment. Here are a few examples:
   
   
   • It’s likely that you’ll be moving soon.
   • Your income probably will take a dive in the near future.
   • One or both spouses are completing schooling, making for a very tight budget. 
   • You don’t have an emergency fund – usually at least three months’ salary.
     
   
   At other times, however it’s good to remember that by renting you’re building someone else’s equity and assets – not your own.
3.  “Forgotten” costs. Couples don’t always remember that the costs of home ownership don’t end with the mortgage payment. Here are some to keep in mind:
   
   
   • Fees associated with loan processing and purchase of the home.
   • Upkeep (everything from water heaters to roofs to painting).
   • Property taxes and mortgage insurance, both of which tend to increase.
4. Government benefits. Mortgage interest is tax deductible, which is important sine the first seven or so years of a mortgage are mainly interest payments. Real estate taxes are deductible, too. For specifics, consult an accountant or attorney who specializes in this area.
   
   Another benefit is the opportunity to participate in government programs that assist first-time home buyers. This help usually comes in the form of mortgage credit certificates or mortgage bonds, generally offering a lower interest rate – and sometimes even the down payment as well.
5. The value of ownership. When you own a house, you have more control of your living environment than when you rent. You can decorate the house or remodel it without having to ask the landlord – though you may need a building permit if you’re attempting a major makeover. You can put nail holes in the wall, pain murals on the ceiling, and plant a garden. How much is that worth to you?

Your decision about home-buying is important but so is the way you and your spouse make the decision. The process you go through can be a barometer of how healthy and mature your relationship is.

As you consider whether to buy a house, each spouse needs to be listened to and understood. The two of you need to pray about it, focusing on what God might want you to do. Sometimes God chooses to speak through the wise counsel of others; in the words of Proverbs 18:15, “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.” Wisdom isn’t knowing everything; it’s being able to listen.

Here are three principles to follow when making a big financial decision like this.

1. Be willing to grow through the experience. Buying a house is stressful. But stress can either dampen discernment or spur growth.

For example, Greg and Sara were planning to buy a house. Sara had grown up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood, dreaming of owning a home. Greg, on the other hand, grew up in family that sometimes had trouble paying its bills. Now, as Sara stood on the verge of realizing her dream, Greg focused on the financial burdens that home ownership could bring.

They prayed about their decision. But instead of seeking God’s guidance, each of them seemed to be telling Him what to do. It wasn’t until they concentrated on finding out what God might have in store for them that they began to receive answers. When they stopped trying to dictate their future based on their pasts, they learned valuable lessons about humility, faith, and sound judgment.

2. Communicate and prioritize together. You might start by making a “pros and cons” list about buying a house. This will give the two of you something to look at, discuss, and pray about.

Listen carefully to each other’s desires and concerns. You can’t both listen at the same time, so decide who’ll speak first.

3. Seek counsel. A trusted real estate agent can be your best ally. Don’t hesitate to ask questions, including the question of which mortgage lender the agent trusts most.Another potential resource: people who’ve recently gone through the home-buying process. Ask them plenty of questions, too.

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Excerpted from The First Five Years of Marriage (Tyndale House Publishers.). Copyright (c) 2006 by Focus on the Family. General Editors: Phillip J. Swihart, Ph.D. and Wilford Wooten, L.M.F.T. All rights reserved. Used with permission.