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martha1spur
5/1/2008 1:55 PM
Your view is the problem with most single women I've known -- you want romance and passion -- the Hollywood version. . .in reality that is a very modern view of marriage -- haven't you ever seen Fiddler on the Roof -- Golda and Tevye met on their wedding day. That was marriage for 1000's of years. . .so look around at the less-than-Hollywood "guy" friends you have and get over the fantasy. . ."having it all" ain't gonna happen. . .it hasn't happened for most married people, who live through a lot of doldrums. . .pretty early on too!
3CirclesChurchCommunities
4/28/2008 8:48 PM
As a busy businessman back in 1996, who was now divorced from an alcoholic and unfaithful wife, I decided to leverage my limited time and put up a personal profile on some Christian dating sites. My business was the Internet (I ran my own ISP company for 7 years before selling) so why not! After getting over the initial shock of how worldly most of the online "Christian" women were, and after spending 8 years (on and off) searching, I'm happy to report that my wife and I finally found each other! We have been happily married for nearly 3 and a half years now.
It was truly God's doing. God answered my prayers in 1997 with a very powerful dream. Seven years and seven months later my wife and I met. The surprise was that Vonda is diabled. More details of God's miracles in bringing us together can be found at www.3circles.net/testimony
I hope our story helps others to believe God works miracles. The real secret to finding "the one" is to be totally sold out to doing God's will!
It was truly God's doing. God answered my prayers in 1997 with a very powerful dream. Seven years and seven months later my wife and I met. The surprise was that Vonda is diabled. More details of God's miracles in bringing us together can be found at www.3circles.net/testimony
I hope our story helps others to believe God works miracles. The real secret to finding "the one" is to be totally sold out to doing God's will!
adivarev
4/27/2008 11:40 AM
In response to the Lost Girls article I would first like to say thank you for bringing this sensitive subject to the forefront. Unfortunately I cannot agree with your opinion regarding on-line dating. It is unfortunate that we as Christian women have been programmed to look for Prince Chariming to ride up on a white stallion, sweep us off our feet and ride off into the sunset. The reality is people meet each other in various avenues of life. I used to think online dating was "unromantic" and unsafe, but, after being single for most of my adult life I realized that I was limiting myself by a fantasy that is not biblical. Once I became open and receptive to meet "the one" through any avenue that God chooses, I met and married my husband.
Take it someone who has been there and done that, and bought the t-shirt that Christian women should not limit themselves to a fantasy but deal with the reality that good Christian men are everywhere! Be open to the possibilities.
Take it someone who has been there and done that, and bought the t-shirt that Christian women should not limit themselves to a fantasy but deal with the reality that good Christian men are everywhere! Be open to the possibilities.
negiti
4/27/2008 9:07 AM
Epilogue: "Good Men" post:
My point is this: most secular relationships fail due to a lack of self-inventorying on the part of one or both parties.
For the Christian, self-inventorying is a tricky thing; it must be done regularly and frequently in order to bring the accumulated filth to the surface for the Holy Spirit to deal with. But it must not be practiced in such a way as to take one's eyes off of Christ, in the process.
If you can learn to submit yourself to prayerful, non-destructive self-assessment driven by prayer and a desire to become more like Christ, male birds of the same feather will want to occupy the spot on the perch next to you.
The only truly successful way to break a bad habit is to replace it with another, more desirable habit. Replace your desire to project the problem onto others when it is not warranted, and you'll be taking a critical step toward marital harmony, if not outright bliss.
Godspeed to you,
-Joe
My point is this: most secular relationships fail due to a lack of self-inventorying on the part of one or both parties.
For the Christian, self-inventorying is a tricky thing; it must be done regularly and frequently in order to bring the accumulated filth to the surface for the Holy Spirit to deal with. But it must not be practiced in such a way as to take one's eyes off of Christ, in the process.
If you can learn to submit yourself to prayerful, non-destructive self-assessment driven by prayer and a desire to become more like Christ, male birds of the same feather will want to occupy the spot on the perch next to you.
The only truly successful way to break a bad habit is to replace it with another, more desirable habit. Replace your desire to project the problem onto others when it is not warranted, and you'll be taking a critical step toward marital harmony, if not outright bliss.
Godspeed to you,
-Joe
negiti
4/27/2008 8:58 AM
Part III: "Good Men"
If you cannot accept responsibility for your own behavior, but rather feel an absolutely overwhelming desire (that you have no intention of resisting,) to avoid saying, "It's my fault", or "I'm sorry" when it's appropriate to do so, get used to shopping for one.
If you can't restrain the need to boss your man around rather than stand by his side metaphorically as his partner, subordinate to Scripture, as he must be, you are a fundamental part of the problem, and must let God's grace (grace is an action word) beat that out of you before you are likely to enjoy the benefits of holy matrimony.
If you believe in maintaining your own space, while leaving your man virtually none, rather than excluding family and friends from the relationship in which you and your man "are one", good luck with that. You'll be keep up appearances, but your relationship will ring hollow with time.
If you cannot accept responsibility for your own behavior, but rather feel an absolutely overwhelming desire (that you have no intention of resisting,) to avoid saying, "It's my fault", or "I'm sorry" when it's appropriate to do so, get used to shopping for one.
If you can't restrain the need to boss your man around rather than stand by his side metaphorically as his partner, subordinate to Scripture, as he must be, you are a fundamental part of the problem, and must let God's grace (grace is an action word) beat that out of you before you are likely to enjoy the benefits of holy matrimony.
If you believe in maintaining your own space, while leaving your man virtually none, rather than excluding family and friends from the relationship in which you and your man "are one", good luck with that. You'll be keep up appearances, but your relationship will ring hollow with time.
negiti
4/27/2008 8:52 AM
PART II - "Good Men"
If you are part of the Western social movement that condones the systematic emasculation of men in film, television and print, then you are part of the problem, and not part of the solution, and even God's grace will not likely net you a "good man". That's because there is no place in Scripture for the emasculation of men, much less "good men". Get used to being either alone, or with someone that can't stand up for themselves, much less for you, much less for God.
If you are more concerned with a checklist than the unconditional love of someone that would lay down their life for you if necessary, you are the problem, and you will not be finding a "good man" anytime soon.
If you are looking for looks over substance, you are not only your own worst enemy, but are enabling an entire class of male predators, threatening the emotional and physical welfare of your fellow single women in the process.
If you are part of the Western social movement that condones the systematic emasculation of men in film, television and print, then you are part of the problem, and not part of the solution, and even God's grace will not likely net you a "good man". That's because there is no place in Scripture for the emasculation of men, much less "good men". Get used to being either alone, or with someone that can't stand up for themselves, much less for you, much less for God.
If you are more concerned with a checklist than the unconditional love of someone that would lay down their life for you if necessary, you are the problem, and you will not be finding a "good man" anytime soon.
If you are looking for looks over substance, you are not only your own worst enemy, but are enabling an entire class of male predators, threatening the emotional and physical welfare of your fellow single women in the process.
negiti
4/27/2008 8:45 AM
I am one of those men women refer to in much the same way as unicorns; the rare "good man" as it were.
Married to someone with the same name and Social Security number for twenty-seven years, and together w/same for over thirty years. I have never physically cheated on her, and to my knowledge and belief, she has never cheated physically on me. We still sleep in the same bed, and desire each other's physical, mental and emotional company. We raised through God's magnificent grace, three twenty-somethings, all of which are drug-free, one of which is a widow, and two of which - the boys, are still virgins. Btw, both boys could be male models.
This is a rare opportunity to hear from a "good man". You may wish to latch onto such an opportunity.
I would say first, that it's "holy matrimony", not "marriage" you should be after. Marriage outside of holy matrimony is merely living together, and the results are generally both predictable, and disappointing
Married to someone with the same name and Social Security number for twenty-seven years, and together w/same for over thirty years. I have never physically cheated on her, and to my knowledge and belief, she has never cheated physically on me. We still sleep in the same bed, and desire each other's physical, mental and emotional company. We raised through God's magnificent grace, three twenty-somethings, all of which are drug-free, one of which is a widow, and two of which - the boys, are still virgins. Btw, both boys could be male models.
This is a rare opportunity to hear from a "good man". You may wish to latch onto such an opportunity.
I would say first, that it's "holy matrimony", not "marriage" you should be after. Marriage outside of holy matrimony is merely living together, and the results are generally both predictable, and disappointing
mcappert
4/27/2008 1:42 AM
well said...men who know and trust God have higher expectations/values (a girl with tangible spirituality). A rare commodity...Don't you think?
twilli1
4/26/2008 11:20 AM
themselves, and want to step up in true leadership, leadership by love, example, and support of what they see God doing in my life, and I am very cautious in pursuing relationships until I understand how and if I can help that man be who God has purposed him to be. I don't talk of this to put myself on a pedestal by ANY means, but I know that God is wanting to communicate a message through my life in a culture that has women, particularly Christian women, so preoccupied with what has become an idol, marriage, that God has little room to move according to His plan...for some it is marriage at 19, others marriage at 35, and so on. God and His will should be who we seek first, period. How can we worship His creation (an institution of marriage) more than Him (the Creator)? We cannot truly enjoy the former until we put the latter, first.
Okay, my soapbox is finished :).
Okay, my soapbox is finished :).
twilli1
4/26/2008 11:19 AM
its purposefulness and intent is finite; just like the sacrificing of physical/literal lambs was finite/temporary once the larger context was fulfilled. I too look forward to marriage, have several Christian men who are/were interested in pursuing a relationship with me that would lead to marriage. But you know what they find most attractive in me? It is my steady focus on God and His will for me life which I am not willing to compromise per societal or church pressures about when I should be married. Mary, Jesus' mother, made a very pivotal decision when she submitted to the plan of God to birth His Son through her - she had to have known accepting her purpose could compromise her marriage to Joseph, compromise her image in the predominant religious community, but she chose purpose and let the chips fall where they may; the chips fell according to God's plans because He was her ultimate. The men that desire that relationship with me are inspired and want to pursue God more
twilli1
4/26/2008 11:18 AM
both putting in 100% to develop and support the other, respectively. It may mean the husband spending more time at home so his wife can attend classes and start a business according to her call. Have we so clung to tradition that even truth - God is not so square that every marriage/family looks the same - has no room? Also, even we as Christians have misunderstood the priority of marriage and it's importance in God's larger picture - marriage is intended as a tangible, earthly portrayal of the more important and eternal union of Christ (bridegroom) and the Church (bride). Marriage is not the ultimate, our relationship with God, through Christ, and the fulfillment of our purpose that brings Him glory is ultimate. Too many half-live, even those that have gotten married because marriage has become the end versus the means, namely the means by which to reflect and to understand the larger context of our eternal Bride and Bridegroom relationship. Marriage is not in heaven, so we know
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