I like to know why haven't you left this man. Perhaps he's got issues and therefore is being like he is. but you have issues by letting him be like he is and staying around.

I have issues with my own relationships so i'm none to judge, but if I were in this situation that's how i'd see it (even if i had trouble coming to grips with that truth)

My husband was abusive starting on our honeymoon (mostly verbal but very scary threatening too). He was a deacon in our church and no one else had a clue as to what he was like at home except for his 2 grown sons and his ex-wife. I was clueless when I married him. Three years in we had a child. Things got worse. My pastor counseled me that I didn't have grounds for divorce unless he committed adultery or was physically violent towards me. I prayed and prayed about this. Things were getting worse and I was afraid. I filed a restraining order to see if he would wake up and then when he didn't, I filed for divorce. Two days later, he killed himself. The thing is, he had been driving by and it was only by God's grace that I didn't end up dead too. I felt peace about what I was doing because when a man and woman marry, we make a covenant before God to love, honor and cherish each other. The husband is supposed to love the wife as Christ loved the church. He broke our covenant.

I realize this is an article on singles, but I'm wondering what ones thoughts are on someone who is married. I'm told I'm abnormal for feeling the way I do. I have been threatened with death if I leave, and have no one to turn to in this. He's even placed his hand on my neck, he didn't leave bruises, and he says he did not choke me. What does one do in a situation like this with five children? I'm at a loss because God doesn't seem to answer my prayers despite fasting and wanting to do His will in my marriage. Yeah, totally at a loss.

HE and SHE both say you should get out of this "relationship." I put that in quotes, because I don't think he relates to you, only himself, and even then, not that well!

I'd bet the answer to whether he has a lot of the same qualities as your ex, is "Yes." In that case, you can expect the same result you got last time -- another failed marriage.

Great article. However, I had the same question as Tina. My daughter is married to a man who rages, demeans and curses at her frequently, almost always in front of her children. After 10 years, she is taking the first steps to leaving but she is still tormented about what Scripture says and guilty about taking her children from daily contact with their father. I would love to see a learned article dealing with verbal abuse in marriage.

Most pastors counsel the woman to stay, but is that what God intended?

Great article for single people? But as someone married in this same situation, I have the same question she raised. When is enough enough? I know God hates divorce, but I know God hates this as well.
My husband his this part of his nature very well in our dating relationship. It showed up immediately after the rings were on. I married the guy she describes in this article and feel stuck with him. Whe I try to gain some distance, he throws my faith at me and I stay with him for the same reasons she described. I am trying to be obedient to the Love God describes, whether my husband is or not. But it is abusive and emotionally draining, and it's not changing. So when is enough enough?

Please get out of this relationship. It will only get worse. I married a man that was kind, successful, loved the Lord, important in the church, served others, but when we married, the abuse started on our honeymoon. I had seen a few red flags before but chalked them up to nervousness. You are seeing HUGE red flags. Ask the Lord to guide you and let the Holy Spirit lead you. The fact that you had to ask the question here, shows that you have doubts and don't take those doubts lightly. The Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts. I pray you are able to do the right and godly thing. My situation ended in my husband's suicide after 6 years of heartache for me. Oh, we had our good times but they became less and less as time went on. Do NOT think that you can love him enough to make all his hurts go away. Only the Lord can do that and if he isn't willing to let him then there is nothing you can do. Also, an abusive man wants the world to stop until he feels better. I will pray for ya

I hope and pray this will be helpful to you and your boyfriend. Frist, in any realtionship you need communicantion, trust, love, God (above all)to make your relationship work. If he isnt wanting to talk to you about things that hurt you, or how he makes you feel when he reacts like you've said. Then you should pray that God gives him compassion and understanding to your needs, also pray for his needs in these areas. With him being 40 and never married, maybe he's never learn how to love a woman enough to be opened to all her needs. Keep in mind though, God dosent want us to be with anyone that tears us down in any way spiritually. If he is open to this ideal, see if he will read a few books with you, together, and talk about what you have read together. "His Needs Her Needs" and "Five Steps to Romantic Love". These books will help you in so many ways. If he dosent want to try to mend things, then maybe he isnt who God has for you.