Thank you sir for providing such a detailed answer to a condition many of us find ourselves in. Especially those of us who have been married for many years and then find ourselves divorced. Oftentimes we find ourselves in a state of boredom, loneliness,emptiness and even despair;often losing our passion for life and for the things of God.
Thank you for explaining the condition in such a profound and insightful manner. I have always believed that indeed if we truly followed Christ in obedience we wouldn't be so tempted do fall into sin. The Bible does teach that if we walk in the Spirit we will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.

Outstanding advice - amazingly practical and spiritual. I my self have fallen into the trap of pre-marital sex as a previously married man in my forties and felt much of the same things this man did - but the guilt was always there for me. I was able to push it aside for a time. But the bottom line is that sex outside of marriage is sin, and sin not only disapoints God but hurts ourselves. Thank you for this excellent article!

ProtectedFromAbove, lighten up and read the whole article, the author is not saying that extra-marital sex is ok in God's eyes- the issue here is not the sin but living fully for God. God bless u.

"We sin because we don't have anything better to do". AMEN! Thank you, this makes so much sense not just for this particular situation but for every situation where we find ourselves tempted/struggling with sin. Thanks again :)

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? Honestly Pastor, Its time you start reading your Bible. Or Better Yet, you quote me verses, that are in context, that say sex is ok out of wed-lock!

There is no way that sex was meant to be, except in marriage. The reason that the other two don't feel guilty can be found in Roman's, chapter 2. -- If you choose to sin, as a Christian, God will simply give you up to your sin.

We have two choices: Read the Bible and obey God as He laid it out for us through the prophets and apostles. OR we can read what we want and create any God we want and 'feel good' while on earth.

BUT... with choice 2, you will get up to Heaven indeed. And you will knock on the doors of Heaven, but a voice will cry out from inside ~ "I DON'T KNOW YOU!"

And certainly do not forget the parable about the wedding feast where God is walking around speaking with His guests, And He comes across one without a white robe! Woe to that man!! He was thrown out into outer darkness!!

WOW! Thank you for a very well written article. I have been divorced for over 4 years, and the lonliness and lack of intimacy has always been a huge factor in my poor decisions regarding "intimacy". What I was convicted of is this: If I am supposed to be the spiritual leader in a marriage, yet I am sleeping with my girlfreind or fiancee, what does that say about my ability to be the spiritual head of the household? That is what ultimately convicted me. It is not easy to abstain in my dating life, but God has always given me an out, and now I take it. I am blessed to say that my girlfriend and I choose abstinence, and that we arrived at this conclusion before we came together as a couple. If we slept together now, it would only ruin the relationship as it is NOT what God intends for us.

I enjoyed reading your response to what others may term a difficult question - but it is so very simple! Your response was lengthy but non-judgmental.

The person that wrote to you said that they did not feel any conviction by the Holy Spirit, but it seems so obvious that they were being convicted. So often we look for a supernatural experience, but God uses the simple things of this world to convict, challenge and motivate us to do the right thing.

Although I agree with your response, I struggle with the part of abstaining from sex, to fulfill a higher calling by getting involved in the Lord's work. Not everyone can become so involved in the Lord's work that they have no time for sex. But this is really not the issue - as long as we profess that we are Christians, we have a right and responsibility to obey, follow, and to set an example of a "Christian lifestyle." We cannot allow circumstances to dictate our actions!

Rad www.youhaveadestiny.com

Very good insight. Pastor Ray you hit the nail on the head as the expression goes. Thanks for being honest. That can be difficult to do at times. I have a daughter in college now and have had several conversations with her about sex. She has strong convictions against doing it before marriage, which I am greatful to God for. I can relate to the temptation. It is hard. However we have to remember that sex was created to be enjoyed in marriage.There is commitment in marriage, you can enjoy sex so much more. Getting involved in a cause for the Lord is a wonderful idea. It will sure get your mind off it and you will also be doing something good with your time. Again wonderful article.God Bless you and Marlene.

Shelley Wiegmann

I had a friend stop by today to visit me ( I have cancer). He was expressing the same sentiment as the one who e-mailed you regarding pre-martial sex. I thought your explanation was excellent. The primary reason not to have sex when not in union through marriage is because God instucts us not to. Instead of accepting that God knows best for us we try to justify what we want rather than what God knows is best for us.

Your point about not being busy enough doing God's work was also nearly perfectly excellent. God came here in Jesus life to serve and save us. Think about it! God, the Creator of all things, the Master of the universe, came here to serve us. He asks us to do the same as He has done for us...serve each other as He has demonstrated to us. If we were busy following his instructions (commands) to us, then you are correct, we wouldn't be busy developing excuses to act in the way we prefer instead of the way He prefers.

God Bless, Jim

GREAT RESPONSE! I'd love to have seen how they reacted when they read it! Don't take this to far, but it sounded like something Christ would say - bypass the external question and cut to the real issue of the heart! I actually found it very applicable to a different yet similar situation I am in.

However, I will say it is a little ironic that this article appear on a web page that is littered with SINGLE ads! Kinda sends a mixed message, don't ya think? Telling people to get more focused on the Gospel rather than love, and then putting single ads before our eyes!?

But, I also realize you gotta pay the bills, so . . .

The article does mot comment about the crux of the matter. All answers are available in the Holy Bible itself I Corinthians chapter 7 2-5 is very clear and states 'nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man has his own wife,and let each woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due due to he, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And like wise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control.'This clearly indicate that any sex outside the Marriage is immoral

I am also divorced and also found the man of my dreams, however, 1 Thess. 4:3 is hard to misinterpret or ignore.
God can not possibly be glorified by our disobedience...even though He is forgiving, merciful, and caring. I'm waiting on His timing.