Communication is a process of sharing information with another person in such a way that the other person understands what you are saying. Their understanding is based on what is being said, who is saying it, the situation they are in, their own past experience, their self-image, and an array of other possible filters.

Principles of Effective Communication:

• Watch your tongue. You can do more harm with an inappropriately stated thought than you might ever have imagined. But just as a word improperly said can be destructive, a word fitly spoken can give new delights, make a plain person beautiful, heal bruises, soothe agitated tempers, give hope to despondent souls, and point the way to God. (Read Ephesians 4:25-32.)

  • Avoid half-truths. Don't say, The truck hit my car, when you had an accident and it was your fault.

  • Distinguish between fact and opinion. Don't state something as reality when it is simply your opinion.

  • Be careful about absolute statements. For example, You never talk to me or I don't have anything to wear are not true statements.

  • Be careful of white lies. For the Christian, no lie is acceptable. You may think a little lie may help someone, but in the long run that is never true.

  • Say only things that are necessary. Speak to build someone up or to meet a need. Unwholesome or degrading words do not edify others or honor our Lord.

• Listen. You will never understand another person's perspective unless you listen carefully - and genuinely - to him or her. Some conversations require only that you listen attentively and keep your opinions and advice to yourself.

• Put the speaker at ease. Be receptive and don't try to fix the other person. Promise Keepers uses this definition, A true friend is someone who knows all about me, loves me for who I am, and has no plans for my immediate improvement.

• Don't avoid controversy. When a controversy comes up, people usually stuff it or strike out. Both ways are inappropriate. The key is to address differences in truth and love.

• Watch your emotions. Positive communication cannot take place if you blow up and hurl your emotions at other people.

• Remove distractions. When you are talking with someone, don't doodle, or look around, or allow other distractions to interfere. Concentrate on the individual.

• Empathize with the person. Try to see the subject from his or her perspective.

• Be patient. Effective communication doesn't happen quickly or by schedule. Give yourself plenty of time to listen without interruption.

• Ask questions. This encourages the person and shows that you are both interested and listening. Ask, Could you clarify that last point? or What do you mean by that? or How did that make your feel?

Taken from Taking The Lead by Ron Jenson. Copyright (c) 1998. Used by permission of Multnomah (r) Publishers, Inc., Sisters, Ore. Contact your local bookstore to order.

Ron Jenson is chairman of High/Ground, a nonprofit organization focused on the arena of leadership development; Future Achievement International, a business committed to personal leadership development; and Christians in Business International, a worldwide association for Christians in the business field. Previously he served as president of Campus Crusade's International School of Theology and vice chancellor of International Christian Leadership University. Ron is the author of Make it a Life, Not Just a Living. He and his wife, Mary, live in San Diego.