Warning: The following post may (or, sadly, may not) contain humor. This blog was produced in a program where irony and satire are processed. May contain sarcasm fragments. If you are allergic to humor or attempts at humor please avoid this product. 

A potentially incendiary topic came up again as I rummaged through the Healthy Living section of the Dallas Morning News. I had ventured onto the thin ice of male and female brain differences in an earlier post. Having survived that article I am demonstrating the lack of male brain development by going there again. My bride and her female co-conspirators often forward e-mails that point out the unique qualities of men. For example…

Question: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
Answer: Government bonds will mature.

My only defense is that the grey matter of the average male truly is different. Some of the key findings include that, on average, men's brains are about 10 percent larger than their female counterparts. Why? Most scientists believe that because the male body is generally larger, their brains have to be bigger to compensate for the extra mass. However, women have just as many brain cells but those cells are packed into a tighter space.

That clears up some of the issues. Women’s brain cells have less room to wander off and do stupid stuff. That is a clear advantage for the feminine mind.

During the aging process, men's brains tend to shrink faster than women's.

When the brain shrinks it is obvious that some things need to go. Because I cannot bear to delete the roster of the 1961 Cincinnati Reds baseball team I have to sacrifice other brain data. My brain utility usually deletes all records of things I have said to Joni. I am pretty sure she is making up stuff when she points out that I promised I would do a certain task. But I don’t know because that cache has been cleared and I have no defense. I do, however, retain countless lines from the Bullwinkle cartoon series.

“Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of a hat!”
“But that trick never works!”
“This time for sure!”

Depending on whose research you're quoting, men say anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 fewer words a day than women do. This so-called word gap is often associated with smaller frontal and temporal lobes in men, the brain's center for language. One study showed that women average about 20,000 words per day while men come in at about 7,000.

Even these numbers do not truly represent the disparity in the vocabulary between men and women. Using myself as the lab rat, I calculated that of my 7,000 uttered words nearly 5,000 of them were baseball and football fantasy league words, lyrics to classic rock and roll songs, meaningless words from Monty Python skits, and lines from movies like Airplane and Caddy Shack. Another 1900 plus entries were work related. So I calculate that I enter the verbal fray with my bride armed with about 67 usable words. Again, not my fault. You try and function with a smaller frontal and temporal lobe. Do you think this is easy?