Our family is diverse too. My husband is the fastidious, somewhat serious dad who likes lots of down time and is energized by being alone. I am the fun-loving and fun-instigating mom who tends to let my life get so busy I can't breathe. I am most energized by being with people. Our oldest son, eleven-year-old Mitchell, is an out-of-the-box, methodical thinker who is constantly inventing a new way to do an old thing. He is energized by using his brain. "Don't bother me now. I'm figuring!" he used to declare even as a toddler. He also is a clean freak, and we affectionately refer to him as "Neat Nick." Unfortunately, he shares a bedroom with his younger brother, "Sloppy Joe."

Our eight-year-old, Spencer, is the family clown. He plays hard, then drops whatever he is doing - literally - and moves on to the next thing. He is energized by activity and fun.

Our teenage daughter, Mackenzie, is a social creature. An "artsy-smartsy" type, she loves to sing, to create, and above all to talk - whether with her mouth or her hands, as she is fluent in American Sign Language. She is most energized by anyone who will answer back.

Throw us five together on a family vacation and what will you get? A father and son who want to go camping in the wilderness all alone, a mother and son who want to take in every sight there is to see while dashing from one activity to the next, and a teenager who doesn't care what we do as long as she can bring a friend or two along, chatting all the way. Oh my!

With such a diverse family as ours, Satan can easily weasel his way in and tempt us to see our differences as being wrong. We can easily get on each other's nerves, verbalize our pet peeves and displeasure at our different personalities, and basically tear each other apart. We've seen it happen in many families and, sadly, often in our own.

We decided to pull out our old youth group strategy. We called a family meeting, sat the children down, and calmly explained what we thought needed to happen in our family to ensure an atmosphere of love. When we came to the part about no put-downs, again our kids were a mirror. It was every so gently pointed out to us that I am the queen of cutting comments and my husband is the king of sarcasm. Double ouch! Time for the king and queen to be dethroned!

We vowed as a family to work on speaking respectfully, not cutting down others even in jest, and accepting each other's faults and shortcomings. We also pointed out many of our family members' individual strengths. We explained our long-held theory that any strength carried to an extreme can become a weakness. Yes, Mom is good at talking - she even gets paid to do it - and is rather quick-witted. However, that can easily turn into conversation domination or come out in the form of cutting, not-so-funny comments. (I know some days my family just tunes me out during my long-running speeches and must-hear story details. I think they are hanging on my every word. What they really hear is more like the voice of the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoon special, "Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa...")

So now we reserve the right, all five of us, to call the others on the carpet for rude and cutting comments, even those done in jest, that do not create an atmosphere of love. Are we perfect at it? Hardly! But we see progress. And we as parents have to constantly remind ourselves that so much of parenting is about process and progress, not perfection.

 
Excerpted from A Life That Says Welcome (Revell) by Karen Ehman. © 2006 by Karen Ehman. Used with permission from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group. All rights reserved.

Karen Ehman is a speaker for Hearts at Home and the coathor of the popular Homespun Gifts from the Heart and Homespun Memories for the Heart.