To Single Women: Men. Don't. Change.

Randal I think you were just bothered that he wrote it in the style that would appear in Cosmopolitan rather than Focus on the Family. He didn't realize he was writing for a theologian like yourself.

I think a better way to state his intent in the article would be, Women, please do not expect to change a man's habits, personality, or interests to make him the perfect man. Men only change when they are convinced they want to change, not because someone threatens to withhold their love.

It's sad seeing women deceived that their man has changed, because they don't want to accept the guy simply isn't a match, if she can't get over him liking to eat at Taco Bell every Sunday after Church.

If this is a core issue in your life it would be better to leave.
If it's something that just annoys you but is not heresy get over it or move on.

Ryan Moure

You are in disagreement with yourself in this article, not to mention in disagreement with the doctrine of Christ and the Apostles of the early church."And that truth is that men don't change. You cannot change a man.". "(By the way: I'm not saying men can't change; of course they can. I'm saying that you can't make your man change -- or predict when he'll change, or how, or why. People only change from the inside out, never from the outside in.)". Psa 55:19 God will give ear and humble them, he who is enthroned from of old, Selah, because they do not change and do not fear God.(ESV)If we love Him, if we fear (reverence) Him we will change. Change is critical for a True Christian "Rom 13:12 The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light."Rom 13:14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof. Just a few examples of the necessity of change

Randal: This article ends with these words: "By the way: I'm not saying men can't change; of course they can. I'm saying that you can't make your man change -- or predict when he'll change, or how, or why. People only change from the inside out, never from the outside in."

See? So we're actually not in disagreement at all.

Isn't that just so lovely?

I only wish that I could flag the article as being inappropriate!! This author, as is the case with many authors may have completed Psychology 101, sociology 101, or even a course in humanities, but they have clearly missed any relevent teaching presented by the Lord Jesus Christ, and the early apostles and disciples of the church. To be a Christian means by definition to be in a continual state of change, from truth to truth, from glory to glory from our image into His image. If the Lord Jesus Christ is unable to change us through the power of the Holy Spirit to become more like Him (1Jn 3:3 And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.) then the author should reconsider his stand in the Christian Faith and either implore the Lord to reveal Himself to Him as the Saviour, Deliverer and Purifier of the Church, or find another useless faith system in which to believe rather then trying to devalue the Lord, the captain of our salvation.

well, being a man, i can tell you, all men DO NOT think alike ... at least all of the time. and men can and do change. a relationship with Jesus can and will change any man. a loving wife can and will change a man. the responsibility of a family can and will change a man. thank God through Jesus Christ, i am not the man i was 10 or 20 years ago. yes, men can and do change and i am thankful for that.

This is a great article! Now, if only I'd read this BEFORE I got married (sigh).

The truth is singles getting married often don't have the maturity,growing up experiences or knowledge about themselves to even think there's anything that they WOULD WANT to change about their partner until it's too late, and they're married.

If single women can do their own itinerary before getting hitched, that is the ideal. Then, look at marriage. If you had a messed up family with tons of dysfunction- guess, what? You're messed up too! Problem is, a lot of us don't even realize we grew up in dysfunction until our relationship is faltering.

Single women need to go through their own lives to look at themselves first and get God to walk it with them. Marriage doesn't have to be as difficult as it is for so many. I know so many couples struggling. Been there, done that. But it just doesn't have to be that way.

Thank you for saying this! I am forwarding this to all of my single female friends. Some, like me, are still waiting for "the man" to show up in their lives. Others are trying to rationalize away the things that bother them about their current romantic interests (I've been there too, believe me).

It is so easy for desperation to take over and the desire to be "happy" moves front and center. Meanwhile, the notion of obedience and waiting for God's best is being shoved to the side.