Dr. Julie Barrier Christian Blog and Commentary

Pastors Should Be Sexy

  • Julie Barrier

    Dr. Julie Barrier, along with her pastor-husband, Dr. Roger Barrier, have taught conferences on marriage and ministry in 35 countries. The Barriers are founders and directors of Preach It, Teach It…

  • Updated Jun 11, 2012



Pastors should be sexy. You heard me. Smokin’ hot. Shouldn’t they be the love experts? People Magazine editors didn’t vote my hubby the sexiest man alive, but it was a gross oversight. I know he should have won. We just celebrated our third decade of married love yesterday. And he still lights my fire. Keeping a woman like me interested over a lifetime is nothing short of miraculous. I have the stamina of a Jack Russell terrier and the attention span of a gnat.


Why do I pontificate that ALL pastors should be sexy? (The married ones, of course. And with their wives, of course…) Sexy and godly are two sides of the same coin. Go back to the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed, communing with their Creator in the cool of the evening. The bare twosome were completely close to God and deeply in love with each other.


My beloved Roger was a Boy Scout. When we went on our first date, he kissed me good night. Boy, what a kiss!! I floated on air to my fifth floor dorm room and thanked his friend Judy for introducing us. She nearly fainted when she heard my news.


“Roger’s never kissed ANYBODY before,” Judy gasped.


Well, let me tell you … he’d been saving up! And I was the grateful beneficiary of this hunk of burnin’ love.


If, as pastors and wives, we are to model magnificent marriages, we should be experts in the bedroom. Old Paul taught his mentor Timothy a thing or two about love. I bet you thought I was going to whip out the Song of Solomon to support my thesis. Nope. Here’s my unorthodox verse selection:


1 Timothy 1:5 “The goal of this command is love which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” NIV


This little gem is wedged between Paul’s comments on doctrine, but it also is a power-packed description of genuine love, more succinct than 1 Corinthians 13. Smoldering passion, deep intimacy and complete surrender of one’s heart to another are only possible if you have a PURE HEART. Jay Leno once asked Robert Redford, the “heartthrob” actor from the seventies, how to be sexy. His answer? “If you can keep one woman satisfied for a lifetime, you are truly a sexy man. Any old donkey can have multiple partners. Monogamy is hard.” Pastors, don’t have wandering eyes toward the soprano section. The only difference between a soprano and a Rottweiler is jewelry. (I know. I’m a soprano…) Only the chaste, the clean, the virtuous man or woman is able to share the consuming flame of his or her love for God with another. And a flame ignited in heaven cannot easily be extinguished.


The concept of a GOOD CONSCIENCE being an aphrodisiac is totally inconceivable to our hedonistic society. Skeletons in your closet like watching porn, flirtation with the opposite sex, and impure thoughts can cloud your conscience. So why is a good conscience a prerequisite for great “sheet music” in the bedroom? If you carry baggage of secrets, lies or unconfessed sin, can you imagine a guilty conscience would hinder true intimacy with your partner? Wipe off your windshield. Clean up your act. Confess your sins. Nobody remembers to do that anymore. Sins are like dirty laundry. Each piece needs individual attention. If you are confident before God, you can be a confident lover, completely free from inhibition or shame.


Paul’s final descriptor for his student pastor Timothy was that love originated in a SINCERE FAITH. How does faith interface with erotic love? Your faith is inextricably linked with your view of God. For example: Wives, if you perceive God to be demanding or distant, you may assume that the one you love is emotionally unavailable, or has high expectations that you can never meet. Open your heart to your husband. Pastors, you can make sexual demands upon your wife without considering her needs. Husbands, I have one word for you: FOREPLAY. Women need a little romance, gentleness, flowers and poetry. Guys often have one way to approach sex: get naked. If you see God as He is, longing to be caringly and intimately involved in your life, you have the creative God who invented sex to bless your most private lovemaking moments.


My husband has performed over 400 weddings (and forgot four -- but that’s another tale for another time). Each time, Roger looks into the eager faces of the happy couple and encourages them to love each other as Christ loved His church. “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride,” he gleefully concludes. The congregation cheers. The bride and groom smooch away. Then Roger turns his gaze to me and gives me a knowing wink. We know the fun is just beginning.


Some say, “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” I say, “Sexiness is next to godliness.” They are beautifully, inextricably intertwined.