Balloon Boy's Dad: "Feel Like Doublin' Your Allowance, Son?"

(The time is three days ago. Richard Henne enters the bedroom of his son, Falcon.)

Richard: There's my little high flyer!

Falcon: Is the balloon finished?

Richard: Yep! She's ready to fly now!

Falcon: Finally!

Richard: Yep. Boy, is that thing gonna fly.

Falcon: Cool.

Richard: Say, son, I was thinking. How'd ya' like to double your allowance?

Falcon: A lot.

Richard: Well, I've got a proposition for you. Remember when we were on that TV show?

Falcon: "Wife Swap"?

Richard: I forget what it was called.

Falcon: It was "Wife Swap."

Richard: I can't really remember. I think it was ...

Falcon: "Wife Swap."

Richard: The name of the show isn't important, Falcon. What's important is how much fun it was being on TV. Wasn't being on TV the most fun ever?

Falcon: No.

Richard: Yes it was.

Falcon: No it wasn't. It made mom cry all the time. And everybody at school made fun of me. Being on that show made me feel crazy.

Richard: Well, the important thing is we made a lot of money from being on that show.

Falcon: We did?

Richard: Well, no, actually, we didn't. But we should have, don't you think?

Falcon: I dunno.

Richard: Oh, believe me, we should have. We were famous, Falcon. And famous people make money. They're supposed to, anyway.

Falcon: I guess.

Richard: Oh, trust me: they are. We just ... blew it. But now I've got a new plan to make us famous! And guess who's the star of that plan is, Falcon? You!

Falcon: I'm not going up in the balloon.

Richard: What?

Falcon: I don't care if you gave me a million dollars a week. I'm not going up in that balloon.

Richard: What makes you think I would ask you to go up in my scientifically perfect balloon that's totally safe?

Falcon: Hello? Storm chasers!

Richard: But son, that was different. Nobody can control a tornado. My balloon, on the other hand, is perfectly ...

Falcon: I knew you wanted me to go up in that thing! It's not gonna happen, Dad. Forget it.

Richard: But ...

Falcon: If you ask me to fly in that balloon, I swear I'll throw up.

Richard: But it's perfectly safe! All you have to do is ....

Falcon [putting hand to mouth]: Glurp.

Richard: Okay, okay. Fine. Ruin your family's only chance to get rich and famous again. Fine. That's great.

Falcon: Hey, I know. Why don't you just say I went up in the balloon?

Richard: Please, son---I'm trying to think. How this balloon can make us famous is an adult problem that needs an adult solution.

Falcon: But I can just hide in the attic or something---and then you release the balloon with that box thing on it, see, and then you act all scared, and tell everyone that you think I'm in the box!

Richard: Its not right to lie, son.

Falcon: But you just say you think I'm in the box!

Richard [pause]: But what'll happen when the balloon lands, and everyone sees you're not in the box?

Falcon: Who cares? By then you'll already be famous!

Richard: [long pause]: I love you, son.

Falcon: I love you too, Dad. Now, about that raise in my allowance ...

Richard: Slow down, Falcon. Let me think about your plan for awhile. Tell you what: if I do it, and if it works, we'll talk.

Falcon: What if it really works?

Richard: Then we'll really talk.

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