John Barnett Discover the Book Daily Devotional
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Discover the Book - May 18, 2007

  • 2007 May 18






Men--How to Nurture Your Wife Spiritually

Part 2 (For Part 1 of this devotional, click here).


Christian Marriage Headaches

Without a growing marriage of shared life following Christ's Word together, most marriages[6] end up with these common Christian marriage headaches:

v     An unbiblical Husband with irresponsible headship (This husband is nothing but a little boy in search of a mommy, and he seems to have found one in his wife.  He is thoroughly self-centered, but manages to appear to others as a loving an devoted husband.);

v     An unbiblical Husband with an emotionally detached headship (This man is one of the most stable and even-tempered men in his community.  He has been asked to serve on the boards of numerous organizations because of his organized mind and methodical way of making decisions.  He is about as detached and emotionally unavailable as a father can get.);

v     An unbiblical Husband with a dictatorial headship (His idea of being "head of the household" means that nothing happens without his approval.  Whenever his wife dares to question his authority or decisions, he resorts to intimidation tactics and then goes into a blind rage.);

v     An unbiblical Husband with a workaholic headship; (This man never leaves work mentally or emotionally. He lives under pressure and sprays his family with his frustrations)

v     An unbiblical Husband with a spiritually apathetic headship (This husband is a believer and a church attender.  But beyond that he's unresponsive to spiritual thing he never exercises spiritual leadership in this home.  And that void blocks an intimacy his wife years for.) 


1.   LEAD HER: A discipling husband gives the stability and direction of a spiritual leader.

2.   NEED HER: A discipling husband tells his wife she is meeting vital needs in his life and work that no other woman can meet.

3.   CHERISH HER: A discipling husband allows his wife to see and hear that he cherishes her and delights in her as a person.

4.   PROTECT HER: A discipling husband shows that he understands his wife by protecting her in areas of limitations.

5.   NOTICE HER: A discipling husband enjoys setting quality time aside for intimate conversation with his wife so she knows that he is aware of her presence even when his mind is on other matters.

6.   SACRIFICE FOR HER: A discipling husband is willing to serve his wife in encouraging and regular ways.

7.   WASH HER: A discipling husband can be heard reading the Word of God to his wife. He is the one who initiates God's Word into the cycle of daily life.

One final and vital aspect of marriage: intimacy. And that is the key to sex.  Let’s get to work here and note a passage to discuss: Deuteronomy 24:5 - newlywed verse “cheer up”, discover how to please her.

            As Dr. William S. Appleton has pointed out, “It is essential to remember that marital dullness is not confined to middle and later years; indeed it can and does occur in the first year of marriage.”

            Certainly, an emotionally flat, chronically dull marriage signals the need for positive steps toward building intimacy, injecting new life into the relationship.  Recently a young husband said to me with a note of despair, “My wife and I have already lost touch with each other.”  It was a graphic description of their lack of intimacy, for to experience intimacy is to touch--emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.

            Here are some of the strands that make up the bond of intimacy between a husband and wife.  They are given in no particular order, and you may have others of your own to add.

-          Physical touching of an affectionate, nature

-          Shared feelings

-          Closeness and open communication and honesty

-          Intellectual agreement on major issues

-          Spiritual harmony

-          Sensitive appreciation of the mate’s physical and emotional               responses

-          Similar values held

-          Imparted secrets

-          Genuine understanding


Deuteronomy 6:4-6 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! 5 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

1. LIVE IT! Biblically discipling my wife starts in my heart. God doesn’t say fear Me, study Me or even Serve Me. He said - LOVE ME. That is our priority and all else flows down from it. In fact, loving God fulfills the whole law! [Romans 13:10

2. SHOW THAT YOU ARE LIVING IN HOPE Genesis 48:15-16 And he blessed Joseph, and said, God, before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac did walk, the God which fed me all my life long unto this day, 16 The Angel which redeemed me from all evil, bless the lads; and let my name be named on them, and the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and let them grow into a multitude in the midst of the earth.  

3. SHOW THAT YOU SEE GOD'S HAND IN ALL OF LIFE Genesis 50:19 And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? 

4. SHOW THAT YOU WATCH FOR CHRIST Philippians 3:20-21 For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ:  21 Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.

5. SHOW THAT YOU DENY UNGODLINESS  Titus 2:11-13 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,  12 Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly,  righteously, and godly, in this present world; 13 Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; 

6. SHOW THAT YOU LOOK FOR THE CITY Hebrews 11:13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 

A Disciples Path to Follow


·                Mark 8:34-37     When He had called the people to [Himself,] with His disciples also, He said to them, "Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 35 "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it. 36 "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? 37 "Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (NKJV)

·                Renouncing self as the authority and focus of my life...


·                Matthew 10:37-39 "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 "He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. (NKJV)

·                Building a relationship of supreme and  incomparable love for Jesus Christ...


·                John 8:31 Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. (NKJV)

·                Committing to regular study and devotion  to God's Word...


·                Matthew 16:24-27     Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. 26 "For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 27 "For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works. (NKJV)

·                Unquestioning allegiance to our Lord Jesus Christ's captivating leadership...


·                Luke 9:23-27     Then He said to [them] all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. 24 "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. 25 "For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost? 26 "For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His [own] glory, and [in His] Father's, and of the holy angels. 27 "But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the kingdom of God." (NKJV)

·                Recognizing the true owner of my time, money and talents...


·                John 13:34-35;

Reflecting the love of Christ in my attitude and actions

So what is the greatest need of any wife? A consecrated husband. A man of God. A true follower of Jesus. The most irresistible man in the world to his wife is a godly man emphasizing personal consecration!

1.  Lead the Family Devotions: The Key is to Emphasize  Biblical communication Deuteronomy 6:7-9

2.  Raise Pure Children: The Key is to Eliminate worldly contamination Deuteronomy  6:10-15

3.  Disciple your wife: The Key is to Experience personal consecration Deuteronomy 6:4-6  


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