Why You Need Romance

Dennis Rainey

"[Love] flashes fire, the very flame of Jehovah.   Many waters cannot quench the flame of love, neither can the floods drown it."   Song of Solomon 8:6,7 (TLB)


There's a cynical one-liner that goes, "The period of engagement is like an exciting introduction to a dull book."   And unfortunately, this is true for many couples.


What is it about marriage that seems to dull our romantic creativity?  At some point in almost every marriage, a couple realizes that they just don't experience the same romantic feelings they once enjoyed.

Romance is not the foundation of a marriage.   But it is the fire in the fireplace; the warmth and security of a relationship that says, "We may have struggles, but I love you, and everything is okay."


We need that fire in our marriages because we are emotional beings.  While we cannot base marriage on romantic feelings, we also can't deny our needs for closeness and intimacy.   Without these qualities in a relationship, a couple will drift into isolation.


Barbara and I have had some great romantic highlights in our years together:   a fall foliage trip to New England on our tenth anniversary, a getaway at a cozy bed-and-breakfast inn, candlelight dinners at home after the kids were in bed (when they were younger)...I could go on and on.


For us, adventure has always spelled romance.   And I wasn't surprised one time when I asked Barbara, "Out of all the adventures and romantic times we've had together, what has been your favorite?"


Her answer:   "Our honeymoon."   For us it was an all-time memory maker.   I won't bore you with the details, but I took weeks to plan a two-week honeymoon in the Colorado Rockies.   We went camping (and, to our surprise, got some snow) and stayed in a cabin next to a roaring river.


She loved our time together because it was an adventure with plenty of time for just the two of us to talk and share our thoughts and our dreams.


I'll wager that your marriage could use some romance.


Excerpted from Moments Together for Couples by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used with permission.   Copyright 1995 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.   All rights reserved.


About the author: Dennis Rainey is the executive director of FamilyLife, an organization founded in 1976 with the goal of effectively developing godly families, one home at a time.   Parents of six children, Dennis and his wife, Barbara, have written numerous books, including best-sellers Moments Together for Couplesand The Questions Book for Marriage Intimacy.